Midnight Sun v2
by EternalCullen
Summary: We all know the story...we all got mad when she had to stop...so I have decided to pick up where she left off by starting with Chapter Thirteen. I have tried to keep it in the Stephenie vein as much as possible.
1. Chapter Thirteen - Confrontation

Hi, all.

I'm taking a short hiatus from _Shadowed Horizon_ for the time being, but don't worry, it won't be for very long.

So to avoid feeling completely guilty for neglecting those of you who have been so very supportive, I have decided – very bravely, I think – to post my version of Midnight Sun.

I started writing this in 2010, but have never been quiet brave enough to do anything with it. The positive reviews from those of you that have taken the time and bothered to comment on _Shadowed Horizon_, have prompted me to put it out for public review…I am very nervous about this, as writing from Edward Cullen's perspective, versus Renesmee Cullen's perspective, is a very different undertaking and I may have completely screwed it up. This character is so angst riddled, my stomach is in knots just thinking about it.

I have picked up, naturally, from where Stephanie left off and created chapter thirteen as my beginning. I really hope that I've remembered to include everything in and that I've got all my facts right.

Have a read; let me know what you think…the good, the bad and the ugly…any comment that you may have, no matter how small. _Every _review is important to me.

Thanks

T

MIDNIGHT SUN 2.0

~ CHAPTER THIRTEEN ~

CONFRONTATION

As the distance between us grew; the throbbing ache in my hand intensified, as if it were trying to draw me back to her – an irresistible force I fought against as zealously as I did the lust for her blood.

The risk was still too great…I couldn't allow myself the intimacy I so feverishly desired, despite the uncomplicated pleasure that one simple touch had created – despite the ease in which that touch had been received…

I steered my thoughts away from that slippery slope – the temptation was overwhelming already without the excuses I was trying to justify to myself – again!

Bella was safe in her home – her father would arrive momentarily and she would be safer for it.

If only I could say the same of myself.

My perspective – so dangerously warped and slanted when close to Bella – began to clear as I drove home.

I could now take a figurative step back and look at my reckless decision today in the cafeteria from a more impartial point of view.

From the perspective in which my family viewed my choice and expected me to behave.

At the time, I hadn't given Emmett's warning much credence; euphoria had still run through my parched veins like irrigated joy.

But I was away from Bella for the moment and I _had_ to review his words now; the knowledge of that sent my mood into a nosedive.

_Way to keep your mouth shut, kid. Rosalie wants to rip out your tongue._

How would he react if he knew Rosalie's true motivations? If he suspected that her objections to my honesty and revelations with Bella was not simply over the protection of our family and the anonymity we so fervently guarded, but over her own shallow designs?

I would never intentionally inflict emotional harm on my brother, nor – even though her blatant hubris and spite incensed me to the point of madness – would I use such a shamefully petty emotion against Rosalie…_unless_ she forced me hand.

I was under no misapprehension that she planned to begin with her verbal tongue lashing as soon as I set foot through that door.

There _would_ be repercussions for my loose tongue today…her wrath – so easily stirred – was difficult to pacify once incited.

And as easily as I acknowledged that I was entirely deserved of their reproach – I really ought to have discussed my choice of full disclosure with them – I knew Bella…and they didn't.

She would not betray us – she would not betray _me_.

I wondered if having one's tongue ripped out – if one was a vampire – would hurt very much?

Shaking the stupid thought from my head, I shelved Rosalie's anticipated ire for the moment and evaluated how the rest of my family would respond to my…_confessional_.

Alice? She wouldn't be a concern – although, I had to consider her reaction from another angle. The more I divulged to Bella, the more eager Alice would be to meet her.

That was dilemma in its own right.

Emmett? Despite Rosalie's fury, he would be gladder – for my sake – that Bella knew about us. Nothing fazed him, not even the certain knowledge that a human knew he was a vampire – _unequivocally_.

Carlisle and Esme? They would be dually absorbed: both pleased and guarded. My mother's despairing and my father's regret had weighed heavily on their shoulders for many decades. Perhaps now, with this revelation, they would be more at ease…though the situation was by no means clear cut.

Jasper? He would prove to be a more contentious sell. He was no happier with me than Rosalie was.

Although, unlike with my saving of Bella weeks before, Emmett had not mentioned Jasper when warning me of what awaited me.

Certainly this was a more damning occurrence then my impromptu rescue?

They had all heard it for themselves, and yet, Rosalie's anger had been the more intense…Jasper's had certainly drawn my attention, but he seemed almost – _accepting_?

It was strange – perhaps Alice had convinced him.

The thought had me grinding my teeth again – I didn't want to think about her visions right now.

Turning into our driveway, I pushed aside my weak validations and tried – once again – to see it from their outlook.

It wasn't that I _didn't_ understand their consternation, I did, and under any other circumstances – circumstances that did not include being hopelessly in love with a human – I would have agreed unequivocally with them and if necessary, taken the steps needed to neutralize the threat.

But this wasn't a threat to our family's well-being and unremitting ambiguity; this was Bella…wonderful, sweet, loyal, trusting…superlative Bella.

I would naturally play it all down, as I had before.

I would laugh and scoff at their fears, agreeing that whilst Bella _was_ a teenage girl, she was a newcomer, a stranger to the closely-knit community of Forks. I would convince them, that she had no possible goal to achieve in spreading a parable about vampires living amongst humans.

It would be simple to convince them that Bella posed no threat to our habitation within the town. There was no need for unwarranted panic or unjustified corrective measures.

I would lie through my _teeth_ if necessary…there wouldn't be anything I _wouldn't_ say to convince them.

I knew I was fooling myself if I thought that my flimsy excuse would appease Rosalie's need for reprisal.

None of us would condone her attempt to silence Bella Swan in the way she desired, so her naturally vindictive streak would have to choose another avenue to satisfy her hankering for retribution.

I thought fleetingly of my prized Vanquish. Would I come across it as if drove up to the house; a smoldering, mangled piece of wreckage in the driveway?

Knowing Rosalie, she would not leave it in an obvious place, no, she would be aiming for maximum affect.

It would probably be strewn like macabre confetti all over my room; just twisted, tiny bits of metal, leather and glass.

With as much as I knew that this was not a danger, I would do; not only what was expected of me, but also, the right thing and apologize for my transgression.

I frowned at the word. I didn't really feel that I had done anything wrong…not really, but I would still try to make amends to the best of my ability, without compromising what I had already achieved.

I did feel guilty for leaving the rest of them alone with Rosalie…perhaps if I apologized first, the backlash wouldn't be as severe or protracted?

_Right, Edward…_

The moon had more chance of falling out of orbit than that had of happening.

I was in no rush as I maneuvered up the perilous pathway leading to our house with easy rotations of my wrist on the wheel; my mind wandered back to Bella – an automatic impulse, it now seemed – everything was attuned to her…my center of gravity had realigned, my polarity shifted…she was my true north now.

I felt almost giddy with joy as I allowed the memories of today's interactions to filter through and surround my conscious, sweeping away the unpleasant reality of what awaited me in my home.

Just thinking about her small reactions – reactions that really _shouldn't_ have concerned her in _my_ company – made me smile until it felt as if my unyielding face would splinter beneath the delight.

I even allowed – a rare occurrence – to think back to the satisfaction I had garnered from watching Mike Newton flail about like a fish out of water.

Firstly, with the racquet smacking him – oh, how I had wished it were the open palm of my hand – on the head, then at Bella's acidic retort for him to mind his own damn business.

Her good-natured patience with him was wearing thin…the joyful grin plastered over my features shifted to pure glee at this knowledge.

I had almost wanted him to continue pushing her…Bella's temper was slow to the boil, but once it was bubbling, quick to spill over.

Perhaps next time, she would deliberately hit him with her weapon of choice…

I was replaying the flushed features of her enraged face in my mind with more satisfaction that was acceptable when the ear-splitting screech ricocheted through the quiet of the dark forest.

There was no need for my mind to search through the house to find the source of the infuriated shriek; its lilting resonances were indicative of only one person: Alice!

It would seem as though Rosalie wasn't going to wait for _me_ to arrive before she began venting her spleen.

Gunning the engine, I focused on the jumble of thoughts permeating from my home: shock, anger, dismay…fear, uncertainty, disbelief; each spoke more clearly than any words uttered.

I had underestimated the cornucopia of confusion and angst from my family over this…I ignored the others for the moment and made Alice's eyes, my own.

She sat dead still, her tiny body clenched rigidly on the long sofa in the main lounge.

With all the anger her mind conjured, her primary concern was still me, how this would affect me… how this would affect _us_.

The selfless anxieties humbled me as I raced towards the top of the driveway.

"_Rosalie, stop it! I recognize that you're angry with Edward, and yes, you're right, he should have discussed this with us _before_ he told Bella, but he didn't plan on this happening. There was nothing deliberate or calculating about it. You know he wanted to keep Bella in the dark and at arm's length for as long as possible. Edward didn't intentionally expose us. He would _never_ do that. Why are you acting _this_ way?"_

The knowledge I harbored of her gall gave me greater insight as to why and where her rage stemmed from…Alice was truly bewildered beneath her own anger as to why she was behaving so truculently.

Rosalie's porcelain face was poisonously spoiled by her harsh sneer as she paced with agitated, staccato stomps across the lounge where the rest of my edgy family had gathered.

"_You know full well why I'm reacting this way, Alice. For once, stop defending him. He _knows_ how harsh the penalty is for contravening the rules. He _knows_ that we have to be more careful, as we stand to lose so much more than any other of our kind. All of this Edward _knows_, and yet he still continues to happily reveal our secrets to a human who already knows too MUCH."_ Her menacing hiss was laden with disgust and fury, her voice rising in pitch and volume with every word.

Alice's insistence and belief was evident as she spoke through her teeth.

"_You know what I've seen, Rosalie."_

Rosalie's sneer turned into a snarl. _"Oh, please!"_

The original intent of Rosalie's words was not only to renounce but to injure…and her attack on me was about to include Alice.

My teeth gnashed at the sluggish pace of the Volvo as I pushed the roaring engine to the max.

I knew Rosalie could hear the whine of the motor as I tore up the driveway, but this did not stop her, if anything, it only seemed to spur her on.

Her voice was softer, but no less malicious.

"_How are we to trust _your_ judgment, Alice, when by your own admission, you have told us all that she will be a beloved friend," _the words were a disdainful jeer._ "Your position is just as biased as Edward's"_

The silence was deafening as the accusation rebounded around the tension filled room.

Since joining our family almost five decades before, no member of this coven – not even I, the skeptic amongst the believers – had ever called into question Alice's ability to see a future that did not yet exist.

Although we all – at one time or another – objected to her visions, none of us dared to doubt her.

Rosalie's allegorical slap in the face was inexcusable and entirely uncalled for; I would not allow her to hurt my sister in an attempt to wound me.

"_Rosalie_…" Placing his hand on her shoulder, Emmett – shocked at the strength and cruelty of Rosalie's attack – could no nothing more than squeeze it.

He was flummoxed by her attitude and more bewildered then I had ever heard him.

Knocking away his hand, I cringed as her rejection cut him deeply, though he showed none of it outwardly.

Alice – provoked to the point of physical violence – surged to her feet from beside an appalled and panicky Esme…she too, could hear my approach and was terrified on my reaction.

In a blurred motion that looked like one movement, Alice was standing toe-to toe with Rosalie; her anger a palpable force shrouding her, making the height difference between the two seem negligible.

"_Your narrow-minded, one-dimensional thinking, Rosalie, is so predictably you, I could forecast your reply before you thought of it. You may have been with a member of this family longer, but you are no more dedicated to it and it's well-being than I am. Do not EVER challenge my devotion to this family and to those I love."_

Never once raising her voice over that of a whisper; the unflinching, unblinking mask of contempt that Alice had conjured was as frightening a realty as Bella's death by my own hand.

Towering over Alice and trying to physically intimidate her, Rosalie's top lip curled away from her gleaming, rapier teeth.

"Our_ relationship is entirely irrelevant, Alice. Your visions are not set in stone. Any number of factors could influence and alter them in a second. Edward," _she sneered my name with enough malice to force a snarl from my lips_. "Had no right. He _has_ no right to continue this insane game he's playing. This end's tonight, _before_ the Volturi ever gain knowledge of this indiscretion."_

Alice narrowed her eyes dangerous at Rose in sudden mistrust even as my stomach fell away to my knees. 

"_What end's tonight, Rosalie? Are you going to go against Carlisle's decision and kill Bella – an innocent – in cold blood? Are you going to be the one to destroy our brother? Is your own trifling jealousy or whatever you have against Bella, worth the cost of Edward's happiness? Because, I don't have to see the future, to know that if you do anything to hurt her or put her in harm's way, he will _never_ forgive you."_

Alice was wrong on that point. There would be no _being_ to forgive...even as I thought it, I could feel air compress in my lungs and hiss furiously through my trachea as I snarled and hissed.

I would decimate her if she continued to harbour such vile, abhorrent thoughts towards Bella.

The distress and estrangement that I would cause the brother I loved was not even a factor worth considering. His pain was already collateral damage in my mind, a secondary concern.

They _would_ be made to understand how crucial Bella was to my very being; to my _very_ my existence.

Rosalie folded her arms over her chest, still glaring at Alice_. "No. I will not go against Carlisle's decree and harm the human. But Edward will end things with her, _immediately_!"_

I slammed the car to a screeching halt outside the front door and was inside the house before the car door I had swung behind me had closed.

The air was laced thickly with hostility and rancor; the stress of the confrontation froze my family in place.

Emmett still stood behind Rosalie, but his arms were at his side, fists clenched.

He eyed me warily; unsure as to whom he should be more guarded around.

_I told you so…tread very carefully, little brother. _

Esme sat on the very edge of the ivory couch, ringing her delicate hands together in anxiety, her expression disturbed as her eyes darted between my tense figure and Rosalie's furious one.

_Edward, Carlisle isn't here yet, he had an emergency at the hospital._ _Whatever you do…please, please don't leave again!_

I despised myself for causing her distress over this. I tried to smile at her, but failed. Nodding in her direction once, I watched Jasper, seated at my piano.

His very posture spoke of the stress he channeled. He vibrated with the malevolence in the room like a tuning fork.

_I hope she's worth it, Edward, because this family is falling apart at the seams over your rash decision. What you did today was irresponsible and selfish, and I can feel your anger towards me over those words, but you know as well as I do, that I'm right._

My mouth tightened at his reproach, but I restrained the growl growing in my chest.

His brow lifted as the spike in my fury surged through him.

_I'm not saying I don't understand where you're coming from…I waited for Alice almost as long as you have waited for Bella, but my actions did not place our family in harm's way._

"She's not a danger to this family, Jasper." I spat the words out between my teeth; my jaw encased in ice.

He shook his head, lowering it, but keeping his gaze on Alice – always watching her…she had clearly warned him off from keeping out of the fray.

Turning back, my fingers curled and flexed; imagining they could feel the exact shape and curve of the neck they wanted to wrap around and squeeze until they could pop the vertebrae out of place and sever the head from the spine...

_Edward! _I defied Jasper's reproach.

Rosalie folded her arms tightly over her chest and turned her back to Alice; Esme tried to tug her to the sofa, but she remained planted to the spot.

Her anger was a tangible force in the room, but it fell disappointingly short of eclipsing my own.

"Oh, look, the prodigal son is home. Too bad our father isn't here to sing his praises. He causes the problems and instead of being hauled over the coals like the rest of us would be, will instead undoubtedly receive a pat on the back for his courage and diligence in overcoming this daunting task."

My eyes narrowed to slits at her withering comments.

Here was another prime example of a resentment that I had thought Rosalie was long past.

Yes, Carlisle and I had a rapport that not even Esme fully understood at times and it overshadowed any other relationship that Carlisle had with his other 'progeny'. But as I was his first 'child', it was a given that we had the strongest connection.

We had been together for almost a year before he had turned Esme. In the ten months that he and I had wondered from town to town, his wisdom and patient supervision had prepared and educated me on the many new and often bewildering aspects of vampirism.

It had been a vital stepping-stone in my development and would eventually build the foundation for my ability in attempting to reconcile what I had become after my _rebirth_.

He had treated the others – Esme, Rosalie and Emmett – no differently. Taking each under his wing and guiding them through the maze of uncertainty in this new afterlife.

Even if the bond forged between Carlisle and I had been the most enduring, it did not influence the way the he felt about the rest of our family. He loved each and every member – that included Alice and Jasper – and would protect them with his dying utterance.

Rosalie knew all of this; she had seen Carlisle demonstrate his devotion to our family many a time before. How she could honestly believe that _I_ was favored above any other member of the Cullen Clan, I could not grasp.

She also knew that despite our relationship, were I to put us in danger, he would never side with me, despite his love.

If I insisted on making erroneous mistakes that would endanger our family, he would go against me, no matter what the reason.

He would never be that self-sacrificing, and I could never be that self-seeking.

I admitted to that lie as soon as I had thought it. Hadn't I once considered fighting with them – _my family_ – to protect Bella? If being with her put the rest of them in danger, would I be objective enough to do the right thing and end the relationship?

No. I wouldn't. I…couldn't…the thought was paralyzing and spine wrenching at the same time…there could be no greater pain.

The point was moot; regardless…she would not break my faith in her.

A vicious, insidious little voice stole through my mind, spreading doubt and misery.

_What _relationship_? You're a vampire, fool. What could you possibly hope to offer her? Pain, fear, sadness? A soulless existence separated from her family and the world she belongs in? The world _you_ don't belong in…_

Rosalie snarled sharply at me, shifting my attention and snapping me from my disconsolate reality.

How could I even consider exposing Bella to Rosalie's uncharitable nature?

She was too tender to lock horns with my rapier-tongued sister. Just the thought of her being wounded by Rosalie's caustic tongue caused the acidic bite of fury to boil up into my throat, scoring more ferociously than the thirst Bella's scent elicited.

"That was a very interesting conversation that you had with _your little human_ today in the cafeteria, _brother_, a cafeteria full of _human_ children. Pray tell, how much does she know about our family? And did you enjoy your meal with her? Was it good? Did it satisfy your need for normalcy, your desire for a humanity that you cannot possibly hope to regain? Or do you still have more secrets to spill to the _love of your life_?"

Hissing at me, she darted forward. "Tell me, Edward; is she more important to you than _your_ family and our way of life? Is she more important than the life that we have spent decades tirelessly building?" Screeching at me, Emmett lunged forward to contain her as I bared my teeth at her attack in true malice, crouching low and curling my muscles to spring.

The reaction was both instinctive and anger driven as I growled and snarled at her, my retina coated with the fiery hatred I could not contain.

"EDWARD! NO!"Emmett's frightened roar stayed my hand.

With reluctance, I straightened up, a furious rumble resonating from my chest as he dragged Rosalie away from me, afraid that I would actually attack her.

His fear was not unjust.

My expression was terrifying, my anger too potent to shake loose the disfiguring scowl that masked my features.

Esme's hand was on her throat, her distress painful to witness.

Jasper had moved from the piano and stood in front of Alice...protecting her – from me.

Forcing my muscles to unlock and unravel, I breathed deeply and arrowed my lethal glare at Rosalie as she struggled in her husband's gentle, yet unbreakable hold.

_Edward!_ Emmett's admonishing glare did little for my anger.

I spoke slowly, concisely and very, very softly…satin over razor wire; my previous concession of apologizing first fell by the wayside.

"I'm not expecting any of you to understand or condone what occurred today in that cafeteria, but I am expecting – no, I am _demanding_ – that you respect my decisions. I would never, ever deliberately put any of you in danger. Despite what you are all thinking." My gaze flickered over the tense faces gathered.

"I never wanted Bella to find out the horrific truth about me, how could I? She's human, and I…am not." The truth once again lanced through me with a bite that was crippling and almost enough to break my resolve. Only the knowledge that she wanted me as I wanted her kept me going.

"But the circumstances that Bella found herself in last night could not be managed any other way, and I _had_ to step in, the alternative…" I paused to control my breathing.

The ragged cadence was indicative of my angst and loathing as I thought of what so nearly had happened to her.

Facing Rosalie directly again, I tried to convey to her the plight in which Bella found herself in last night.

She, more so than _anyone_ in this room, could surely relate to such a monstrous crime.

"I'm sure by now you all know what almost – _so close_ – happened to Bella last night in Port Angeles."

Stiff nods and internal affirmations were the only acknowledgement of my words.

"Bella must have been aware on some level that there was something not right with me, that I was something…._other_. Our first encounter could not have left her with any other possible conclusion. If I had hoped that she would have forgotten that in time, then my unplanned rescue in the parking lot, only confirmed it. As much as I lied and ridiculed her suspicions, she would not accept the seed of doubt that I tried so desperately to plant in her mind. She's too perceptive." _Brilliant, exceptional, noteworthy_, were the words I wanted to use, but now wasn't the time.

"Her perception, you see, is transparent and unfathomable. There is _nothing_ that escapes her attention. Nothing I do or don't say that she does not questions thoroughly."

I would not tell the others of her informative escapade with the younger Black this weekend. They did not need further provocation, especially Rosalie.

She would see it as a golden window of opportunity to attack the defenseless sea-side community.

"The sheer incredulity that she could sit calmly beside me all evening, whilst guessing – correctly – what I was, even after witnessing my murderous rage with that…_slime_ that would have hurt her ." Jasper winced as my fury with the men – no, not men, they could not be called men – that I still longed to slaughter, imploded in the room and sucked up all the oxygen in its wrath.

"To answer your question, Rosalie. She doesn't know _everything_, but it will only be a matter of time. I can't keep lying to her, I _won't_. And you, will do nothing to interfere in this…do you understand me, Rosalie?"

_You reckless fool. You've decided our fate for us. _

My anger waned slowly as I heard more fully her intentions.

The saddest part of this was that she truly believed she was warranted in her prejudice.

"How much _does_ Bella know, Edward? _Exactly_? And are you certain that we can trust her to not expose us?" Esme's quiet voice was steeped in caution, her hands still wringing together from the tension in the air...her previous joy left by the way side as she stressed about the future.

"Yes," my voice was suddenly passionate, the fervency in which I wanted them to believe in her, louder than even my fury. "I entrusted her with my darkest secret, and I would entrust her with my life."

_And your families. You had no right!_

I ignored Rosalie's inner diatribe.

"She knows that I'm a vampire, that every member of this family…is a vampire."

And again, she hadn't reacted to that truth either. It was one thing acknowledging _one_ vampire existed, but being told that there were seven in one small town should have been enough to terrify her.

Rosalie gripped her hair at her scalp, trying to rip out the flaxen locks from the roots and keening like a trapped animal as her eyes almost rolled back in her head at my words.

I sighed as Emmett picked her up and sat her on his lap on another couch, but continued on, overlooking his irritation with me.

"She, of course, asked all the usual questions," – or unusual questions, as I had never confirmed any of them to a human before. – "about all the inaccurate mythology associated with us. She knows that I hear the thoughts of others, and that she is the one exception. She, by the way thinks there's something wrong, because _I_ can't get a read on her."

This took them all by surprise.

Alice had flopped backwards to sit next to Esme; the two exchanged a look, but I was distracted by Jasper's reaction to my words.

"_We're_ vampires, and she thinks that _she's_ abnormal?"

I slowly nodded my head; my amusement at Jasper's disbelief blunting the edge of my intensity.

_What's wrong with the girl?_

Nothing. She was utterly perfect, a masterpiece of nature – unsurpassable and one of a kind.

_Edward?_

"I don't know, Jasper, I really don't. She's the most bizarre human I have ever encountered. She runs merrily toward what she should be running swiftly away from." I chuckled disbelievingly, but with more relief in that certain fact than I let on.

He of course knew.

"You should have seen her sitting beside me, so serenely poised after I had just admitted to a fierce craving for her death and blood," I flinched, but continued. "Stalking her, wanting to murder her would-be assailants – in front of her, no less, forcing her into a dinner she clearly was hesitant over and not giving her a choice over whether I drove her to school and back today and yet…"

I trailed off as Alice smugly sang in my head. _I told you not to underestimate Bella, didn't I? _Alice's self-satisfied superiority would have usually annoyed me, but her righteous belief made me ecstatic in a way that I was beginning to covet, but the moment was ruined by Rosalie's refusal to drop the bone she was gnawing on.

"I can't believe I'm actually hearing this." Rosalie screeched from Emmett's lap. "Are you all as insane as Edward? She's a _human_!"

Emmett kissed her on her temple, stroking her face; he tried to reassure her again. "Shhhh, Rose. It's going to be fine. Don't stress, babe."

No amount of reassuring or distracting from him would help that cause.

I had been hoping that by highlighting a common link between the two – Rosalie's own ghastly _death_ had been as a result of a brutal personal violation – and Bella's near miss, it would spark a whisper of sympathy from Rosalie.

I should have known better than to rely on whatever human sentiments and sympathies Rosalie may have retained after all these years.

There hadn't been so much as a batter of an eyelash, nor a flicker of an understanding thought in her vapid head.

Compassion was a redundant notion with Rosalie.

"You all already know that I love Bella – although, I'm sure none of you can understand _why_ – and by some… crooked twist of fate, she seems to reciprocate those feelings – although, at not the same level. Alice is convinced, as am I, that she will not betray our secrets. Please know that this was not how I had planned on things unfolding. I do not want to cause conflict within our family, but I love her too much to give her up. I…I can't give her up, I won't."

Not yet, at any rate, but the time would come, when I would have to force myself to do so.

My voice broke slightly under the ardent emotion I conveyed. "I do not need your consent or your support, but I would prefer to have it."

Surely they would not begrudge me a small slice of Heaven after all these years of Hell?

Rosalie stiffened in Emmett's arms and snapped at him, "Let me go, Emmett. Now!"

"Rosalie…"

"No, Emmett." Wrenching herself from his arms, she leapt to her feet, but did not approach me.

She knew better, my hostility towards her had not abated, despite my quieter approach to them.

"I want nothing to do with this…_creature_," her jaw clenched as she spat at me. "And you have neither my support nor my consent. She will be a blight upon this family that _you_ have unleashed on us, Edward." Pointing a ridged, accusatory finger at me, she lifted her chin with all the regal bearing of a queen.

I had to admire her moxy, even as I wanted to throttle her.

"This is not some pet project of yours. You can't experiment in this and expect the results to be favourable and under your control. That _girl_ is a liability – a dangerous one – that you are willing to sacrifice your family and our way of life for. This asinine decision affects all of us, not just _you_. And I will be there, waiting, when it blows up in your face, but until then, I want _nothing_ to do with this farce."

Tossing her golden head, she darted out the door and into the quiet night, all thoughts consumed by her indignation.

I had not expected her support, but her hostility was a worry.

Was she right?

My judgment was undeniably not as sound as it had been before Bella had crashed landed in my life with all the subtly of a hurtling meteor, burning through my atmosphere of cool, sensible indifference and scoring deeply within my being.

Was my treacherous quest for self-fulfillment and companionship – companionship that differed so greatly from that of my siblings and parents – compromising my own welfare and that of my family's?

Could I leave her now, knowing that fundamentally, it was the correct decision to make…for everyone involved?

I already knew the answer to that question…

Emmett heaved dramatically and moved to my side. "I'll go and try and calm her down, but don't expect any more_ twists of fate_ to occur."

I scowled at him sourly, noting that he moved a step further away.

_It feels like I don't even know you anymore, Edward. I swear you were abducted by aliens. _

He shifted completely away from me before my fists completed their ridged curl and eyed Jasper edgily.

He turned as he reached the door, frowning at me – I knew what he was going to ask.

"You weren't really going to attack her…_were you_?"

I said nothing; impassive and implacable.

My lips twisted slightly as he turned his back, shaking his head and muttering about body snatchers.

Jasper turned and looked down at Alice; a deep stone furrow forming between his eyes.

Her own eyes narrowed as she uncannily read his thoughts.

"Are you sure?"

"You doubt me?" her brow rose haughtily.

He smiled slightly. "Never."

"Then why ask?"

He shrugged.

I knew he was feeling unsure and anxious, but his unwavering trust in Alice overrode his concerns.

"Since the moment we met, Jasper Whitlock, have I _ever_ led you astray? Have I ever suggested a path that was not beneficial?"

He smoothed a spiky strand of inky hair back into place, smiling down at her with more love than I could have ever thought possible for him to contain.

"No, my love. You have not."

"Then trust me when I say that Bella will not expose us…that one day," she turned to glare at me. "She _will_ be an invaluable member of this family."

The vision again, the sickening truth to her words…I wanted to scream and thrash at the injustice.

"Edward? It doesn't matter what you decide…this was and always will be _Bella's_ choice, not yours. You can only fight so far, brother…but acceptance is inevitable."

"No," I howled, anguished by her words.

She only nodded sympathetically.

I couldn't stand to stay in a room so full of such a ghastly acceptance.

Their pleading words to come back were a distant din as I raced into the night and through the park.

I hunted for the shortest of moments, not being able to force down more than that of a small doe's life force, before returning home and to my previous seat of reflection, all the time wondering if my lack of objectivity was the real problem.

The water tonight was liquid again, almost tranquil as it continued on its inevitable, meandering path to the sea.

Was my path as inevitable? Was Alice's unflinching reassurance to Jasper, meant to reassure me?

My last despairing thought as I left Bella had been about being able to stay with her for any length of time before my instincts got the better of me…now the despair was about what would happen in I allowed that.

I heard the hesitant thoughts before the sounds of his approach alerted me, almost sagging in relief at a change of topic.

Carlisle was home.

Esme would have informed him of our charged assembly by now and he would be anxious to interpret my demeanor.

As much as it irked me, Rosalie's objectionable comments about me being the favored son were not _entirely_ inaccurate.

Perhaps it was just the bond of a father and son, a creator and created that had caused such a uniquely strong connection amongst two men who did not share any biological link other than the venom that had transformed me, or maybe it was the molding of his mannerisms that defined me in his eyes.

Whatever the reason, he loved me and would forgive me anything – even _murder_.

I deeply regretted the years of dissolute, murderous behavior that I had indulged in whilst at my most temperamental.

Angry at Carlisle's enforced path, I had rebelled. I was an apex predator, why shouldn't I simply follow through with my nature? Why resist what I was? There was no force on earth that could leash my unrestrained indulgence.

The Volturi had not even been a factor worthy of consideration.

Leaving my parents had been a very, very foolish decision.

Carlisle had joked – _eventually_ – that he should have expected it.

A typical bout of teenage rebellion…

Problem was the rebellion hadn't been under-age binge drinking or hot-wiring cars.

It had been careless murders, the eradication of the dregs of society. The long years of wondering the earth alone, picking off the strays and stragglers who would prey on other innocent humans had taken its toll.

There was no possible or justifiable way I could defend those deeds – not through any amount of sacrifice and atonement.

When I had eventually slunk home to my parents; head hanging in disgusted disgrace, they had accepted me back unequivocally with open arms.

They had overlooked and forgiven any of my indiscretions, just happy that I had returned to them.

I had vowed on that day, to never again question or stray from Carlisle and his vision, recommitting fully in our – be it however futile – attempt at redemption.

But would he view my impulsive decision to reveal all to Bella, as a step too far? Overstepping the boundaries had never been an issue with me before.

He knew how I felt about her, had been ecstatic to discover that my heart had found its beat after all these lonely decades, but that did not mean he would condone my actions.

His thoughts were consumed with worry and anxiety – mainly for me, as he cautiously advanced.

There was no thought of threat or danger for our family in his mind.

I continually despaired of ever being worthy of Bella, but in reality, how could I ever be worthy of _anyone_ that loved me?

_Edward?_

I didn't turn, but reassured him nonetheless. "I'm fine, Carlisle." Another lie.

A deep sigh of relief. It was almost amusing, or would have been, had the residual anger from my earlier confrontation not abated.

My family was often wary of my temper…for good reason.

The display in the lounge earlier had only revealed a hint of my inner maelstrom.

_Are you sure, son?_

His alarmed, caring query gripped my throat with barbed fingers of guilt, tightening with every breath I took.

"I'm fine, Carlisle. And it should be _I_ apologizing and asking if _you_ are all right. I'm the one that has once again put this family in jeopardy with my inconsiderate behaviour."

I didn't really believe that, but appearing contrite seemed like the best option. Bella would not jeopardize our anonymity. I was never more certain of a fact.

Joining me on an adjacent boulder, his wise golden eyes assessed by stance as he gracefully sat…the strong chemical odor of industrial-strength hospital sterilizer clung to his clothing.

He brushed aside my apology.

"Nonsense, Edward. You trust her and I trust your judgment. Esme filled me in on what happened earlier. I can't really say that I'm surprised, though. You seem incapable of denying Bella anything." Chuckling to himself, he laughed louder as he glanced at my twisted features, pleased with an assessment that hit the nail on the head.

"She took everything remarkably well, which I have strong reservations about. It was like she secretly knew that the world of ghoulish nightmares filled with monsters existed, and was merely waiting for me to confirm it."

I was still waiting for the shocking reality to hit her. Surely then the horror of it would send her running for the nearest police station…I would have loved to see her expression on that beach on Saturday.

I could imagine the surprise and shock as the oblivious youngest member of the Black family, unwittingly revealed my family's true nature.

Truly, she was as peculiar as I was – maybe we were more perfect for each other than I could have ever hoped for?

_I disagree. _

Tilting my head, I arched an eyebrow. "About what, in particular?"

"I think she took everything so easily into her stride because her feelings for _you_ overpower any other fear or preservation instinct that she has. She knows that you won't hurt her or place her in harm's way."

_Never intentionally, Bella did that all on her own_. I thought, angry again at her lack of apprehension.

"I've only filled her in on the bare essentials on what to expect about our nature…our abilities, the sun etc. How she will react when I finally do reveal more about myself is anyone's guess. She never reacts the way she should, the way a human – _a normal human_ – would react."

Carlisle's comments didn't seem _that_ out of character for Bella. She must by now realise how much I loved her, how desperate I was to be at her side every second of the day, how hopelessly enthralled I was…

"Whether you're right and she does trust me, or it is just a flaw in her own inherent defense mechanism, this can't possibly end well, Carlisle."

_Again, I disagree. _

This time I desperately wanted to believe the firm conviction in his voice.

"What other possible outcome could there be?" I whispered miserably, then instantly regretted asking, knowing with certainty what that outcome was.

Although, he was thinking along a different line…if he suggested that he turn her for me, I truly didn't know how I would react…

What truly frightened me was that I would not be repulsed outright by his solution to my dilemma; but that I would give in…afraid that my selfish, frantic yearning for Bella would blind me to what was right…for her – always for her.

"I thought I knew all the facets of your personality, Edward. After all these decades together, I was certain that I had observed all your differing emotions and I knew them well, but on the day that you arrived at the hospital, the tortured soul that was my son was unrecognizable. Your desperation and angst frightened me in a way that I had never experienced before."

He smiled slightly.

"I can never truly understand how much Bella's scent affects you, Edward. I have _never_; in all my centuries, been confronted with such a daunting task, but looking at your face now, as you talk about Bella…you are not the same man that you were then. Your control is outstandingly admirable, son. If I can see this on your face – a face that is usually inscrutable, then so can the girl you love."

I knew all too well that I was no longer that man…my love for Bella had altered my planes of existence…eternally.

Carlisle leant forward, his pale fingertips interlocking. All thoughts swirling around trying to convince me that everything would work out for the best.

_The best for whom_, I wanted to ask.

His answer would be the same as Emmett's. _Me, of course_.

He, too, would be wrong.

What was the best _for Bella_, was the only factor that should be considered.

She was my priority…

Closing my eyes against the agony of what I must do, not what I wanted to do, but what _must_ be done, I rose unsteadily, ignoring Carlisle's raised hand.

"Where are you going?"

I just shook my head. "I don't…know."

He reached out and pushed my gently back into my seat. _No. The very last thing you need right now is time alone to wallow._

I snorted at the wallowing part. It seemed that was all I did lately.

I specialised in spectacular moping.

"Stay. Tell me about her, I only met her that once, and that was fleeting and filled with anxiety over what she had seen. What is she really like? Have you attempted any kind of…_intimacy_ with her?"

He grinned at that.

I grimaced. I wanted to kill her ninety percent of the time. How could intimacy possibly be achievable?

I had only just gotten round to a fleeting touch…yet another blaringly obvious marker of our unsuitability. Physical touch.

I so badly wanted to touch her, though. Just a simple touch, but more then what had passed between us outside of the gym today.

The skin of her cheek was the softest suede, the smoothest satin my fingers had ever caressed.

I was almost salivating at what her lips would feel like. Their plush silk molding around my stone hewn lips, warming them with their lushly heated vitality.

My hand continued to tingle with pulsing sensation every time I thought about touching Bella.

Maybe Carlisle was right. Perhaps talking about her would give him some insight that I had yet to achieve.

My voice a reverent whisper – I couldn't achieve anything louder than hushed tones – I watched as Carlisle sat straighter on his seat and gave me his full attention.

"She's remarkable, Carlisle. Like no one I have ever imagined could exist. Her beauty is unmatched, her soul untainted. She's smart and considerate; her heart is bigger than her entire body. She's so altruistic that she puts _everyone_ else's needs above her own. She understands and perceives things that her peers would have difficulty comprehending. She's…" I struggled to continue, defeated by my own sentiment.

Carlisle nodded knowingly, his smile lighting his face like a rare summer day.

"You love her, and _that_ is exactly the reason why you can make this work, Edward. Your love for her is stronger than any other iniquitous proclivity that you still wrongly believe you possess."

How could I think anything else – I knew what I was…I knew what I had been on the day I met her.

Clearing my throat against the unfamiliar tightening – not the tightening of thirst – the restriction caused by the emotions that flourished when thinking or talking about Bella.

"Carlisle –"

"No, Edward. Listen to me. I have never questioned your motives or your choices in this life. I have been content to simply sit back and watch you become the man you were. I have always been proud of you, but the man that Bella has awakened in you, makes my fatherly pride almost unbearable. I know that you can make this work. When Esme told you that you are the best and brightest of us all, it wasn't simple flattery."

It was hard to block the firm conviction in his voice and thoughts. I so badly wanted to relent and simply give in to his confidence, but I knew that if I did, if I allowed myself that little bit of hope, that when things came crashing down – as they inevitably would – I would be unable to recover.

"Now, I know that you are anxious over this situation already, and I honestly don't mean to add to your concerns, but there is another very real danger inherent in this situation and we need to discuss it."

He was wary as he thought it. _The Volturi._

I looked up at him in disbelief.

"Carlisle, _I_ have difficulty not killing her." Pointing my index finger, I stabbed myself in the chest. "I can't worry about the Volturi…and why would you even bring them up? They have no possible way of learning that Bella knows anything about the vampire world."

He held his palms up as he heard the angry disbelief in my voice.

"I brought it up, Edward, because the Volturi are never to be underestimated or counted out. You know the most absolute of the rules in our world, is that no human is allowed to live once they have gained knowledge or irrefutable proof of our existence. Bella has both, Edward. We need to be very careful with her."

My gaze unfocused, I felt physically ill at the thought of the Volturi finding out about Bella. No amount of running, hiding or evading would be able to protect her once they had her in their crosshairs.

Carlisle frowned at me, concerned by my expression.

"None of _us_ would ever reveal this to the Volturi, but there are others, those who we would consider allies that may, you know that there are some that we consider _family_ that have been burnt before, and would not hesitate to uphold the law, even if it means…a betrayal."

He meant Tanya and her family. Their own ghastly experience with the Volturi had left deep, festering wounds that no amount of time would ever heal.

I could not believe that they would become informants to the Volturi. Not if they knew how much I loved Bella.

But…Tanya. If she was to find out that it was Bella that had caused me to take flight, that she had guessed correctly before I had even realised it myself, then could she be _that_ petty? Would she react like Rosalie?

_Hell hath no fury like a women scorned._ The proverb was very true.

And the petty ire of a female vampire was a thousand times more potent than that of a human.

Vampires were driven by demanding, passionate emotions. Love, hatred, lust, revenge, rage…could Tanya or a member of her family be the ones to bring the vengeance of the Volturi down upon us?

I stood abruptly, my fists balled at my sides, trying to unclench my jaw, to stop myself from biting my tongue in two.

Carlisle was up instantly. _Calmly, Edward. They have no reason to do anything of the sort. They don't even know that Bella exists. Please. Calm down. _

This was a disaster. Wasn't it enough that I had to worry about all that I had already overcome? No I had to add the Volturi to the pile and members of my own extended family?

They would act instantly should they become aware of Bella. Their justice uncompromising and lethal.

Carlisle had lived with them for years, prior to his travels to America, and our family's _creation_.

He had told us countless horrific tales of witnessing maverick vampires punished for breaking a dogmatic rule, rules that were implemented to maintain our obscurity and the prevention of creating vampires that were incapable of control.

The punishment was always the same: death, by the hand of the guard, or sometimes, depending on the severity of the offence, by the Volturi elders themselves.

They considered themselves judge, jury and executioner.

No one opposed them. The elders had amassed a guard capable of neutralizing any threat, or rebellious neophyte.

Resting his hand on my shoulder, he squeezed gently, trying to break me free from my horrified musings.

_I'm sorry. I know you don't want to think about that now. I'm just asking that you be especially vigilant. _

I nodded numbly.

_I will always support you, as will the rest of our family on whatever you decide, Edward. We know that you will always have our consideration in your thoughts – and don't concern yourself with Rosalie; she will eventually choose the right path. _

I didn't know how long I stood there; a pillar of pain, after Carlisle had left me.

When I did eventually shake it loose, I was almost writhing to see Bella...I didn't stop to look back as I tore through the forest.

To smell her fiery scent, a scent that meant she was real, to hear her even breathing, reassuring me that she was safe, to follow each beat of her heart as if it were my own…the unwelcome reminder of the Volturi was bone chilling – I wanted her warmth.

It was raining again. I would have to shake myself dry before I crept into Bella's room.

I could hardly leave wet footprints or a puddle in the middle of her room, now could I?

The action reminded me strongly of a dog shaking its coat dry after a dip as I whipped my torso about, spraying the water in a shower beneath her window.

It was a good thing that I didn't smell like a _dog_. I shuddered at the memory and the hideous smell it evoked.

I wondered if Bella had any allergic reactions to dogs or pets of any kind?

Charlie seemed like a dog man, yet there were no pets around.

There were so many things I still didn't know about Bella. Simple, essential bits of information that made up a person. Information that a _friend_ would know.

Information that a …_boyfriend_ would know…

I exhaled warily. I was hardly either of those. A boy or a boyfriend.

I wondered what Bella viewed me as?

Tomorrow would be the start of my quest for knowledge…the continuous frustration was more maddening then Bella's silence.

Scaling the house, I paused at the window, making certain that Bella was asleep before gently sliding the window aside and quietly creeping in.

The heated love that bloomed in the deepest, coldest core of my body at the sight of Bella was staggering…I wanted nothing more than to be able to rest beside her in her bed as she slept, only watching over her for as long as I was allowed.

She was sleeping, but restless. What was disturbing her usually calm dreams?

Was it the shocking information that she had learned about me today?

Was it my unrestrained snarl at lunch that was causing the distress?

Was it the deplorable knowledge regarding our dietary preferences?

Was she thinking about my _touch_?

Sighing silently, I moved to my rocking chair and leant back, settling in for the remainder of the late evening and early morning.

It was warmer, despite the rain. The thick cloud cover acting as an insulating blanket took advantage of the absence of the wintry Canadian flow.

The pre-dawn was almost pleasantly balmy.

Bella was obviously feeling the additional heat. She had kicked her winter covers off; they lay in a bundle at the foot of her bed.

The legs of her creased pajama pants had scrunched around her calves, revealing her shapely ankles and dainty feet.

I leant forward in my seat, keeping my fingers locked together to prevent them from making any unplanned forays up her legs.

Her toes were so tiny; I smiled at how adorable they were, then was instantly glad that Emmett wasn't anywhere near me to see my ridiculous grin.

Rolling over suddenly, she flung an arm over her head and into the tangled mass of dark hair, stretching her torso.

The tattered shirt she wore pulled up against her toned stomach, revealing a mesmerizing expanse of pale, unblemished flesh.

Her belly button was unadorned, the abdominal muscles pulled taught, were faintly defined.

My mouth dried up instantly; venom wells arid and parched – swallowing was no longer a possibility.

I imagined kneeling next to her bed, holding my breath and the hungers that were becoming more difficult to control, as I ran my cold fingers over the indentation that had provided her life force for the nine months she was in uteri.

I could envision the goose bumps that my touch would evoke…I could imagine counting each one as just the tips of my fingers glided over her skin…

I focused on regulating my breathing as I moved my eyes away from her stomach and the cravings it caused in the cavity of my own.

Such a baffling longing, it greatly unsettled me…and intrigued me.

Having never experienced anything like them before, I should have spoken about with Carlisle, but it was more than just a little embarrassing at my age.

Being a centuries old virgin, wasn't something that I could tote as my proudest accomplishment.

And it wasn't like I could do anything about that…certainly not with Bella…I dropped my head into my hands and shook it in agony, only raising it as she snuffled and shuffled around in her bed.

Bella hadn't begun to talk yet; perhaps I had missed it, so preoccupied with my discussion with my father.

It made me angry to think that I had missed it. What had she said? What had she revealed unconsciously that I had not heard?

I would not be absent again.

Bella continued to move around restlessly for the first hour I was there, rolling over and muttering continually, clearly disturbed by something.

And still no talking. I frowned; missing it more than was sanely acceptable.

Resting back again, I laced my hands together and folded them across my stomach, losing myself in the humble pleasure of watching her sleep.

If my family could see me now…

It wasn't really uncomplicated though, was it? Her scent was still such a struggle, such a perplexing mystery…

What was it about _her_ blood that made it so hard to resist?

Why was I being punished by this this? Was this to be my penance? Was this to be my labor of love?

Bella rolled over onto her side again, muttering unintelligible nonsense, facing away from me, and to my horror; woke up.

Freezing instantly in panic, grateful that I had already stopped the motion of my lungs, my eyes roved frantically over her form.

Should I make a break for the window? She wouldn't see or hear me as I blurred out of her room, but I didn't want to leave her yet…I had only just got here, or at least, it always felt like that – there was never enough time in the world to be with her.

Her pull was strong enough to render my reasoning worthless and make my self-disgust inconsequential.

Waiting for what seemed like hours, I finally settled back in as Bella scrubbed the balled fist of her hand over face and tried to bury it in her pillow.

Great! Now I would have to worry about asphyxiation!

Focusing on her breathing, I listened to the even rhythm of her respiration, my ears twitching at even the slightest change of configuration.

There was no hindrance in the normal pattern, and I closed my eyes in relief when she turned her head slightly to the side, leaving her mouth and nose free of any impediment.

I suppose this was what a parent felt like with their newborn.

Unbearably anxious as their little one did something that they did not even consider, but that with which I would reason was dangerous.

I had newfound respect for parents the world over.

The manner in which I was behaving now was impulsive, selfish…_dangerous_. Should she have rolled over and caught me here – sitting nonchalantly in her rocking chair, gazing in perplexity and adoration at her – surely then, she would have screamed?

_And then what would you have done, hmmm?_

In my own defense, this _was_ the first time she had awoken during my visits, but even to my own ears, it was a weak, inexcusable defence.

Bella mumbled again, but was otherwise silent. Still no talking.

Maybe she didn't have anything to discuss in her own head tonight?

Who knew? Certainly not I.

Why couldn't I just _hear_ her?

Rubbing my chin, I watched Bella try to sleep, but she was clearly so agitated, that it was impossible.

Again, I analysed every sentence of our conversations from today.

_Was_ it something that I had exposed that was causing her restive slumber?

I couldn't remember anything that had really been frightening. Nothing that would create nightmares, surely?

I was madder with myself for illuminating all my closely guarded secrets like the lovesick fool I was.

But for my own defence, when she was dreaming about unpleasant things, she usually voiced her grievances.

As the talking was still not forthcoming, it seemed unlikely and I relaxed slightly, assured that _I_ had not caused her fretting.

Sighing heavily, Bella rolled again, this time to face me. She was still asleep, but not deeply under.

Again, I imagined what I would say to her if she opened her eyes. Blood would drain from her cheeks, her eyes would widen to resemble the full moon and her mouth would gape with the scream building up.

"_Oh, hello, Bella. What are you dreaming of? You're not usually so restless when you sleep. I would know, of course, as I've been spying on you for the last few nights."_

That would be a _brilliant_ icebreaker.

So why was I half hopeful that she _would_ wake up and see me?

What _was_ wrong with me?

I sighed at myself as I got up. This was wrong; I needed to leave, _now_.

Before turning to my unavoidable escape, I gazed upon her, lingering on her beloved face.

Torn between leaving and staying, I took the four cautious steps necessary to bring me to her bedside and slowly crouched down to hover inches above her.

Anxious that she would wake, cursing at myself silently for being this reckless, I let my nose touch a strand of her tangled hair and inhaled deeply.

The scratching, dehydrated ache combined with the inferno that seared my throat was still very, very painful, but I realised – with delight and astonishment – that it no longer curled my muscles in eager anticipation for the hunt, it no longer drove me to an act that would destroy me…it no longer controlled me and drove the monster within me to demand satisfaction.

As long as I was _always_ rigidly in control.

Carlisle had been right. My inexorable love for Bella was beginning to feel strong enough to conquer the desire for her life.

The monster was silenced…for now. I was under no misapprehension that it was forever banished, but I would be able to control it better when it reared its ugly head again.

Gently twisting the lock of silken hair around my finger; I continued to breathe regularly, crouching over her for a few seconds longer, taking pleasure in the feel of her glossy tress wrapped around my unbending finger as the warmth from the strands coiled like a spring around the digit.

It was only a few more hours until daybreak; I would leave now, but not completely.

Whisper beneath my breath, I kissed the hair coating around my finger.

"Good night, lovely Bella. Dream of me and my love, as I would dream of you…I love you."

Untangling my finger, I backed up to the window and zipped out before I could find another excuse to linger…and do something really stupid.

Leaping nimbly into the same great fir tree that had been my shadowy perch days earlier, I settled into a convenient 'v' and watched Bella from a distance that was nothing really, but still seemed too great.

The hulking dark and flawed windowpane did nothing to hinder my view of Bella in her bed.

I could clearly see that she was still edgy.

It worried me that she would not have the necessary hours of sleep if this kept up, but honestly, what could I do to sooth her? Sing her the lullaby I had created?

I snorted to myself. That would be an even _better_ icebreaker.

Deeply concerned, I remained ridged in the tree until well after four o'clock.

Only then did she relax completely, obviously exhausted by her disruptive night. I felt calmer as I noted her deep slumber and relaxed into my seat a little more, beginning to compile my list of questions for her...it was only a few more hours until I could enjoy her company.

Remaining in my guarding position, I stayed there until just before dawn, before running back to my home to change, eager to avoid being spotted by the early risers in the neighborhood…perched like a vampire bat in wait.


	2. Chapter Fourteen - Inquisitive

The ownership of all characters related to and involving _Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn and Midnight Sun_,

remain the sole property of Stephanie Meyer, Little Brown and any affiliates. No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

(Okay, so, I've taken poetic licence here to heart again, as with everything I'm doing. This entire chapter occurs between pages 199 and the beginning of page 201 – yes, I know – I can't write anything short, I have a problem...there are no support groups for this, I've looked.)

MIDNIGHT SUN 2.0

~ CHAPTER FOURTEEN ~

INQUISITIVE

Slowing to a walk as I entered the house a few minutes later, I rubbed absently at my hollow, aching chest as the frisson of alluring awareness and enticement wound serpentine through the porous bones of my hand, into the cable-like sinews of my arm, through the hardened slabs of muscles in my chest and lodged with finality into my stagnant heart…like a brand of awareness…a brand of ownership.

My heart – long silent and merely a part of what now made up the whole – no longer belonged to me; it answered to a new owner.

This did not faze me; I had willingly (ultimately) given my heart to Bella…I would gladly give her _everything_ I was – everything I had…even if for only the shortest of time, for the eventual separation that would one day come – as there could be no other choice but to remove myself from her presence – would be an event that I was sure would come to once again redefine me…in ways that would leave me as nothing more than a shadow of my former self; a weak, grisly caricature of the being that remained; languishing in the knowledge that I would forever love that which I could _never_ have.

That which I had only had momentarily…

She would forever own every part of me – until the moment she drew her last breath, fore in that moment; I would find a way to eliminate my own existence…

What more could I do? It would ravage my family, but surely by now they must know what Bella meant to me – how everything I would do or say or act towards would always have her at the center of every decision I made…surely they would not hold my own actions against me – selfish as they would be – when they knew how helplessly I had fallen?

I shook myself free of my morose mood, refusing to permit my own glum outlook of the shame that was my existence to sabotage the time I _did_ have with Bella…time I fought against me as resiliently as I fought against the insidious lust for her life.

My home was peculiarly still as I stalked through it and up the stairs; the proverbial tomb…my lips twitched at my own twisted humour, the turn of phrase evoking the memory of Bella's questions at lunch the day before.

What would she make of our home? There were certainly none of the typecasts that she would have inaccurately wondered over in the cafeteria yesterday present in this house…it was roomy, airy and made to please the eye rather than instill horror – it was no crypt.

It would almost certainly be a jolt to her system, though no more so that anything that had already happened to her over the course of the last few months…and was I even _contemplating_ having her here?

Shaking my head at the sheer idiocy and irresponsibility of that thought, I wondered where the rest of my family was.

Despite my discord with Rosalie last night, I certainly didn't want them to feel as though they needed to avoid both the house we shared and the temper that was at times, an embarrassing oversight on my part.

There had been no intention in Carlisle's thoughts last night to indicate that he would keep the others well clear of the house this morning…I couldn't imagine that Esme would have gone along with that plan with easy acceptance even had he suggested it – my denial to Alice and her easy acceptance of Bella's fate had driven me from the house before she could even carry through on her urge to comfort my anguish – But as Carlisle's cautionary reminder had superseded any other desire but to be with Bella – I could quiet easily have missed it.

Emmett was presumably still out with the petulant, retributive Rosalie; trying to placate her…he wasn't going to be pleased with me for the confrontation last night and the consequences it had created, defensible or not, but if he was expecting an apology on my behalf, he was sorely mistaken.

There would be no admission of guilt on my part…her despicable behaviour towards Bella would not be tolerated. I may have overlooked her previous uncharitable thoughts, but last night's enmity had been ensured that was no longer possible.

Rosalie had never elicited the noblest of emotions from my vampire core; her barely veiled contempt for everything and everyone around us had always chaffed rawly against what we stood for, but I had acknowledged and overlooked it as a flaw in her personality, glad that _I_ didn't need to deal with it or her; Emmett was a willing enough scapegoat for her resentment. But when she had chosen to turn her malicious gaze onto something so pure and innocent, she had sealed her fate.

The landscape of our prickly relationship had forever been eroded by her verbal attack on Bella and her criticism of my motives…I wished I could explain to Emmett that his golden goddess was nothing more than tarnished malevolence, but it would hurt him and I loved him more than that.

If the others _were_ out hunting, I probably should have joined them but I was feeling smug…perhaps a mite too much.

Sitting with Bella over the last few hours had been remarkably easier than I had anticipated; the success made me complacent almost, which was a mistake in itself that I could not afford to make…

There was no hunger for the moment – I resisted even the slightest urge to recall about the appetizing tang of her life essence – but that was only because I was away from her for the moment…it would not stop me from clawing my way to her side.

Speeding along the landing adorned with local tapestries and tribal antiquities, my sense of urgency spilled over with nervous energy as I entered my room. The innate sense of time and surroundings that was intrinsic to vampires kept us ahead of time normally, but I was still anxious that I would be cutting it too finely to when Bella would leave her home and I would miss her altogether.

I would have thought it apparent to her by now that I wanted to spend every waking minute with her…driving herself to school was time that I wanted and would aggressively pursue every morning that I could, but the way her mind work, I couldn't take that as a given.

Once inside my room, I located the duplicate copy of the Debussy CD from the catalogued shelves and slid it into the sound system, hoping that the lulling melody would calm me.

Absorbing the hypnotic notes that were a nostalgic reminder of the girl I loved, I reached for the filched yellow bottle cap that was the only physical essence of Bella that I was allowed to keep with me. Rubbing my finger over the smooth lid, I absorbed her belief in my abilities and let it sooth the angst that at times seemed so overwhelmingly destructive, I wanted nothing more than to escape it by any means necessary…

But escaping meant leaving…leaving meant the loss of Bella – and I was not ready to give her up yet.

Absently smoothing the pad of my forefinger over the unblemished plastic molding, I leant against the framework of the large bay window facing the Sol Duc River and for the first time since arriving in Forks, I truly marveled at the majestic wonder that was my home.

The realization that I had only limited time with Bella had somehow made it vitally important to start appreciating _all_ the beauty that surrounded me – not just the beauty that I had lost my silent heart to.

Beauty that I had always taken for granted…

The house sat nestled in the foothill of a craggy range, completely enclosed by ancient Cedars and prehistoric tree ferns. The endless oaks, firs and spruce trees created an almost impenetrable citadel around the house; the Olympic Range looked over us, guarding and implacable in its presence.

The wide, revitalizing waterway meandered gently around the house, carving intricate grooves into the ancient landscape and stone, creating deeper furrows into the land that could never be erased and read like a map of the history that it had seen.

Esme's passion projects were to renovate the homes we eventually settled in. She had found this one – originally a modest, single story home; nothing more than a glorified hunting lodge, long abandoned – six years ago and had begun its transformation into the benchmark that now stood, anticipating that we would eventually return to the ideal location of Forks.

And how fortuitous that return had been. Would out paths – a jaded immortal insensate to life and an innocent girl accepting of her fate – ever have crossed if not here?

Would I have ever known the wonder of Bella, had she not exiled herself to the place that she clearly still did not accept fully as her home?

Feeling almost panicked at the prospect of her slipping through my grasp somehow, I replaced the cap and again tenderly stroked the tip of my finger over the toughened nylon strands melted together, wishing it were the silky smooth skin of the girl that had unwittingly gifted me with this keepsake.

Heading to the shower, I glanced up at the clouds skittering across the early morning sky, floating upon upper atmosphere thermals as they marched relentlessly from the west. They would overpower and smother any rays of light that threatened to make an appearance today…I grinned widely as I stripped and bathed.

Dressing quickly, I buttoned a pair of worn jeans – one of the few that I had managed to hide from Alice as she had collected for donations – and threw on a cashmere sweater, heading back to the stereo to pocket the cap once again. I would have the physical presence of Bella with me for most of the day, but the significance of the synthetic material would hold me over during the time spent apart from her.

Perhaps I should speak to her about trying to change some of my class schedules to match hers…

Bounding down the stairs through a still silent house, I briefly toyed with idea of leaving a note for the rest of them, but there really was no point; Alice would know where I was.

I was past the point of trying to hide my addiction.

The Volvo was not where I had haphazardly left it last night so I went in search of it in the garage, finding it parked between Carlisle's Mercedes and Emmett's jeep. Hunting up the keys, I glanced momentarily at the Vanquish parked further down the cavernous, single-level parkade, the protective dust cover still snugly and safely ensconcing it.

I probably should have checked that it was still in once piece, but I knew well of Rosalie's flare for the dramatic…subtly was not her strongest suite. If she wanted me to know she had wreaked it, she would.

Starting the car, I let it idle for a while, feeling the rhythmic humming of the engine vibrate through my frame like a tuning fork…it joined the already noisy clamor in my mind.

The list of questions that I had been preparing over the last six weeks were suddenly bursting free of the restraints that I had placed them under purely in accordance with social protocol…I had to know _everything_, no matter how insignificant or trivial Bella might think it, I wanted to know it all.

Hopefully I could get her to relinquish more of her closely – and completely unconscious on her part – guarded secrets during my own search for knowledge.

I could learn how she _really_ felt about me, although it would serve no other purpose but to amplify my misery…I was beyond the point of trying to rationalize that to myself, almost jittery to learn more.

Jessica's mediocre questioning about her feelings for me had left me dissatisfied and insatiable for more.

_Do you like him? Yes. How much? Too much_…that was hardly a declaration of undying love and devotion.

I knew that I shouldn't be greedy or impatient with what I had already been given – with what I should _never_ have been allowed the chance to experience in the first place. I should be satisfied with the knowledge that she cared about me at all, even fractionally and not push for a declaration that Bella was not yet comfortable with...but I wasn't, it wasn't enough – I wanted _more_.

It was still fairly early as I turned off our driveway and onto the road that would take me back into town, but as I would have to drive under the enforced speed limit on my way into Forks to avoid meeting Bella's father, I decided against rushing.

Speed limits…ugh! One of the endless restrictions imposed on humans for their own safety were speed regulations…it was one of the few aspects of humanity that I did _not_ mind relinquishing.

Pulling into the tiny town as it began its morning bustle, I obeyed the exasperating limit…_just_, managing to keep my distaste with the sluggish pace from souring my mood as I closed the distance to Bella.

Again, it was as if the flesh that was more cadaver than alive, resonated with her nearness; the parched cells almost sang with excitement and anticipation as the zing of sensation that had found a permanent residence in my motionless heart split away and seeped back down the arm in a fiery wake…the sensation augmented as I grew so near that I could _smell_ her.

Timing it to perfection, I rounded the last corner to her street as her father was turning down the next street heading for the police station; only his taillights visible.

I wondered what was on the mysteriously shrouded mind of Charlie Swan this morning?

Catching just the departing edge of his thoughts, I frowned as he grumbled about whatever was occupying his time…he was clearly not happy about something, though there was nothing clearly defined in his ire that I could interpret.

Pulling quickly into the driveway, I switched off the engine and tried to catch the disappearing train of thought before it faded into total obscurity…all I could make out was chagrin and…_wounded pride_?

That didn't make any sense…what was there to be affronted by? Listening again, sure that I had it all wrong, the only intonation that I caught was the anger again.

It was strange – as I could not be sure, but it somehow didn't feel like the pride that had been wounded was his own, that he was feeling slighted on behalf of someone else.

Who? _Bella_? He was her father, so he was naturally defensive of her as he should be, but what could the conversation have revolved around to raise his fatherly hackles?

Disappointed that I had missed out on whatever interaction father and daughter had engaged in, I made a vow that it would not happen again.

Settling back into my seat, I let my mind wander around the neighborhood as I waited for Bella.

The clamorous homes was filled with little more than morning routines: children squabbling over breakfast, parents bickering over work and more wrangling from parent's to children over homework not done for school – most thoughts were either disgruntled, anticipatory or disinclined – only a few of them gave any notice to my car – an unknown vehicle in a well-known neighborhood – parked in the driveway of the Chief of Police. Very few would have seen it in this identical spot yesterday as the nature of the viscous mist that had blanketed the town had concealed and obscured any object further than twenty feet away.

This morning was far clearer…there would be more notice taken and more speculation given over my presence…I could not be myself around Bella this morning – not outwardly that is.

The lace curtain in her bedroom twitched and parted in a manner that _shouted_ of her efforts to act nonchalant as she looked for my car. I laughed softly as it swung quickly back into place and I heard her leave her room in a rush.

Did she honestly think that I would forgo time spent with her? That brain…

The rapid almost stumbling footfalls on the creaking stairs; their cadence off and far more urgent than yesterday, pounded on the wooden stairs as Bella raced down the steps…I held my breath until she was safely at the bottom, imagining horrifying scenarios of shattered bones and bruised skin if her characteristic clumsiness came into play…which was quiet easily possible with Bella.

The kitchen was bypassed all together…there was no clashing of bottles or opening of airtight Tupperware, so it would be cafeteria lunch again today.

The level of ease and comfort that Bella had displayed over lunch yesterday was a positive sign. Loss of appetite was a certain human indicator for anxiety and unease…she had exhibited neither of those around me, yet sitting amongst her own peers had had proved to be a daunting task in the beginning. She was still not truly at ease with the other human children, but with me…

I smiled widely; struck anew that something so run of the mill could make me this happy.

Skidding to a sudden halt, the rubber soles of her shoes squeaked against the unpolished floors in friction burn as she paused at the door. Fabric rubbed together in similar resistance as she grunted quietly.

What had she strained herself with? Her bag?

Sitting up straighter in the seat, I frowned; wanting to get out of the car and get to her before she was allowed to carry anything that could damage or mar her perfect skin…I should be doing that. I didn't want her injuring herself by lifting heavy objects…she was so delicately fashioned…

The creaking of a hinge that had begun to rust decades before caught my ear as I reached for handle of my door, unconcerned as to who saw me this morning. The front door of the closest neighbors to the Swan's – still some hundred yards to the left – swung open as an elderly couple stood arguing in the open doorway. The wife – a nosy parker by all accounts as the thoughts swirling in her vacuous mind centered solely on the chatter in the community – instantly spotted my car parked where it should not be and halted her diatribe to her suddenly relieved husband.

"Wonderful," I muttered from between cinched lips, annoyed with the interruption and unwanted attention. "It couldn't have been a harassed mother of a toddler too preoccupied by her child that spotted me, but a woman that has nothing better to do than natter on about the local gossip."

An unknown entity such as myself picking up the daughter of one of the town's most public figure would certainly be fodder for the local rumor mill and we could ill afford any further public scrutiny…so I _would_ remain in my car, despite every fiber of my being crying out for me to at least open her door.

Although the mist yesterday had made Bella cold and uncomfortable, I was suddenly fiercely hoping for its opaque dampness to return and hide my disturbing presence.

Flexing my fingers in agitation, I watched the front door of the Swan's with an intensity that could have burnt a hole through the grain of the wood, willing Bella on faster.

As if hearing my unspoken edginess, the door was suddenly yanked open and Bella whirled out in an uncoordinated jumble of enthusiasm and bright-eyed excitement. Slamming the door behind her with a bang that ricocheted throughout the stillness of the morning and spoke volumes for her eagerness to join me, Bella did not stop to check if the final catch of the deadbolt had been locked as she hitched her book bag over her shoulder and walked towards me with a casual, yet cautious stride.

I averted my gaze quickly as her penetrating scrutiny swung to my face through the windshield, looking out into the distance, half afraid that she would see the unrestrained adoration in the depths of my unguarded eyes and be scared off by the passion of a feeling that she herself did not fully reciprocate.

Carlisle had been right last night when he had said that we would have to be careful with Bella – though I had reason's to be cautious that he had not yet contemplated.

Taking the final step to put her within touching distance of my car, I rolled my eyes to the side to surreptitiously study her.

I felt almost cheated that the high neck of a coffee-coloured turtleneck hindered my view of her glorious skin and the mesmerizing patterning of bones that made up her clavicle. It was certainly more flattering than the repulsively off-shape green jersey from yesterday, but I was still unacceptably disappointed…it was that disappointment that embittered me.

Bella paused at the door, hesitating for the briefest division of a second before climbing into the pre-warmed car.

Her reluctance, however slight, created a deep frown of anxiety in the carved planes of my face. Why had she vacillated for the tiniest amount of time? What was wrong this morning? She had been so fearless yesterday morning once her initial shock at seeing me parked in her driveway had faded.

What was different this morning? Was it the same disruption that had created a disturbance with her sleeping last night?

Did this have anything to do with me?

Hiding my panic, I tried to even out my breathing as my eyes roved frantically over her face as she closed the door behind her and pulled on her seat belt, but I was immediately overwhelmed by the draw of her and could concentrate on no more than her irresistible presence.

The exhilarating pulse spun outward from her the second the door slammed; engulfing me in the fluctuating current that snapped and crackled with its potent electric magnetism; my hand – the same hand – flexed and curled without any conscious consent on my behalf, wanting more than anything to just touch her again…it seemed as if it had a life of its own – it certainly wasn't listening to me anymore.

My heart seemed to vibrate and pulse with the same motion – the two were attuned to each other…and tied irrevocably to Bella.

Reining in my faltering control, I forced myself to look at her more objectively…and instantly regretted it.

As I had feared, last night's sleep deprivation had indeed taken its toll. Lingering on every minute detail of her creamy visage, I frowned at the darker shadows that cut deeply beneath her lustrous eyes.

Her lively face was slightly drawn, her cheekbones a touch more prominent. It was a more disturbing reality to witness than her disinclination to climb into my car. If one night of slumber withdrawal had such a detrimental effect on her well-being, I shuddered to think about the damage that a serious illness could do to her slender frame.

Clicking the buckle into place she turned to me, a ready, enchanting smile on her lush lips…it momentarily rocked me into immobility before I righted myself and forced the air out of my lungs.

The arrangement of her facial muscles into an honest display of happiness improved her heavy lidded look, but I was still disturbed by her lack of slumber.

I desperately wanted to be safe enough for her. To be harmless and restrained enough…to be able to climb into her bed with her at night and keep her safe within the circle of my arms. For her to be aware – even in sleep – that my protective presence was there throughout the night, keeping her nightmares at bay.

The heated blasts of air from the venting in the dashboard circulated her delectable scent around the enclosed confines of the car, painfully reminding me as to why exactly I could _not_ afford to be that close to her…_yet_.

Trying to hide the slight tremor in my voice, I greeted her before she noticed my distraction.

"Good morning. How are you today?" Could she hear the tender concern in which I asked the most commonplace of questions?

"Good, thank you."

Her response was routine, automatic. She could not know that I knew differently.

Her heart raced with her exertions as she looked at me shyly from beneath her lashes. Was it because she had rushed out the house to see me or was my presence disarming her as readily as it disarmed myself?

I smugly hoped for the latter.

Wanting her to know that I noticed _everything_ about her, no matter how slight; I indicated to the signs of her edgy night.

"You look tired."

Her face fell slightly as she was caught by surprise at my infatuated observation. "I couldn't sleep," she confessed, swinging her dark mane of hair around her shoulder in a scented eddy; a barrier on her part, meant to add a measure of protection against my prying eyes.

It formed a separation between us that I did not like, but as much as it frustrated me, I did not move her hair.

I wanted her confidence to build to the point that she did it herself, or did not feel the need to do it at all.

Her self-assurance was important to me, almost as much as her welfare and it was something that I would have to work on with her. I knew just how timorous she was and judging from her reactions to the sincerity of my compliments, it would take some doing.

My own personality was forthright and assertive – it had been from birth; the transformation had only solidified that already prevalent trait. The privileged rearing had I had been exposed to had ensured that I was confident – or arrogant, as Alice liked to imply…she considered me a know-it-all. I didn't necessarily see myself as overconfident; merely supremely assured…Bella and I were at opposite ends of the spectrum in that regard.

Maybe if I teased her, she would lower her guard. She usually reacted favorably to my tone when lighthearted and frivolous.

"Neither could I," I grinned down at her, not bothering to hide my teeth. She never reacted to them unfavorably…the thought was almost enough to make me frown in displeasure.

I started the Volvo as she laughed up at breathlessly, not noticing that my ready smirk had begun to slip.

"I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager you did," I agreed…_But not by much._

Driving at a pace that would make Bella comfortable and myself almost explode with impatience, I pacified myself with the fact that it meant extending our time together.

I watched her peripherally peeking up at me every few seconds and hid my pleasure…it would only be a matter of time before her curiosity overrode her bashful nature.

I was right. "So, what did you do last night?" she inquired, real curiosity in her voice and a hint of desperation, as if she thought asking me first would circumvent my unquenchable quest to know her every secret.

I sniggered at her attempts to sidetrack me, even as I was impressed by the furtive way in which she had gone about them – I would never be that easily swayed.

"Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions." She should have taken my threat last night more seriously.

She frowned slightly, disturbed and disgruntled by the reminder and her obvious failure. "Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" Her forehead creased as she warily asked.

_EVERYTHING!_

But was I being selfish again, too aggressive? Was my wanting to find out personal information making her ill at ease? I didn't want to ask something that would unintentionally offend or upset her, but my inexcusable curiosity could not be leashed!

As I had been the one to initiate the conversation, I would continue and tread carefully, judging my progress by her responses. _I _will_ stop if she becomes ill-at-ease_, I promised myself, knowing full well that it was a barefaced lie.

_Start out simply, Edward. Nothing invasive._

I would start out with what seemed like a trivial inquiry…though there was not one thing about this girl that I found uninteresting.

"What's your favourite colour?" My voice was slightly solemn…I wanted her to know that I took this seriously and not as a simple exploratory exercise.

Turning the last corner before the school grounds, I watched her; hopelessly besotted, as she rolled her eyes. The action was so similar to my own expression of exasperation; I felt my mouth hang open. I quickly snapped it shut before she become aware of it.

"It changes from day to day." Her tone was reluctant; like this answer was embarrassing in some way…it made my pursuit for answers falter slightly…I truly was not my intention to make her feel uncomfortable in any way.

But it was such an odd answer that I couldn't help myself; I thought she would be more consistent. Humans normally stuck to one thing, a comforting reply…a platitude of sorts, almost as automatic as my answer when questioned about my age.

Maybe this was just more reluctance to share. Yet another thing I would have to work on with her.

Undeterred by her reticence, I pressed on. "What's your favourite colour, _today_?"

She looked at me, frowning at me as she contemplated. "Probably brown."

_Brown?! _

Well, that I hadn't expected…though perhaps I should have. It was yet another atypical answer from the girl that was the personification of nonconformity.

Didn't women like pinks and yellows and greens? Soft pastel colours that made them feel delicate and feminine? My sisters and mother certainly favored the colours.

Bella's own colouring was perhaps the answer to this conundrum. She was pale already; maybe diluted hues washed out what little colouring she did have? The unusual hyacinth shade of the blouse she had worn two days ago had only enhanced her blush infused alabaster complexion.

She preferred diverse tones and colour pallets. I really shouldn't be surprised.

Her attire today was comprised almost entirely in varying shades of brown. Dark chocolate boots, a lighter coffee coloured polar neck and her unique mahogany tinted hair flowed freely over her shoulder and down her slender back in a continuous wave. Her fathomless eyes completed the effect, her dark blue jeans setting off the foil perfectly.

"Brown?" I snorted disbelievingly, a true skeptic on the path to truth as she tried to deter me from my pursuit…she would not dissuade me.

"Sure," the certain faith in her voice could not be missed. "Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squishy green stuff here."

Completing her little rant with pugnacious punctuation, I gaped at her, utterly captivated by the ardor in her voice. I had never known her to become so agitated over a standard subject before. The last time her ire had been stirred, was in the cafeteria over my refusal to answer any of her questions to her satisfaction, though this was very different. Her displeasure was painfully obvious as she raged about something as insignificant as a colour.

Bella was still clearly resentful of the natural green beauty that was so abundant in this part of the country, though it did make more sense now. She had been raised in Arizona: a place of arid, dusty planes, filled with cacti, cycads and searing heat. There would be very little greenery there.

She had said that brown was warm…right now, as I lost myself in the incandescence of her fluid eyes, I concurred entirely.

"You're right. Brown is warm."

Could she hearing my longing for her weigh down over my vocal range…could she hear the timber of the pitch quiver with reverence?

The heavy curtain of her luxurious hair created an almost opaque barrier between us again, and despite my previous concession, it was intolerable being denied the delight of viewing her entire face.

Very cautiously, controlling every flex of my wrist and flow of the muscles in my arm, I reached over and swiftly swept her hair away from her face, laying it along her slender back; my hand briefly entangled in the mass of warm follicles as it coiled around the blunt instrument of so many deaths. I removed it from the temptation immediately, but the aftermath of my touch froze my arm.

The appalling beckoning of the heated crimson liquid infusing the bones of her cheeks created incompatible hungers, eager to invade my body and steal my mind. The consuming control provoked by the essence of her being was the anticipated desire…the contraction and contortion of my stomach muscles, the profusion of flowing venom to my mouth, the rampant impulse to hunt and destroy, but I was able to control that need – as long as I maintained distance and total scrupulous restraint over the wraith within.

The newer element of starvation was however, the more disconcerting of the dilemma, as it was the more alien. The hunger of undeniable physical attraction – lust in its rawest, basest form, intertwined eternally with love.

It seized control of my body, pulling me closer to her, moving my hand in the space between our bodies without my agreement; my fingers spreading to sieve through her hair as it had done moments earlier and tenderly cup the back of her skull…to turn her towards me…to glide the chilly marbleized pad of my thumb over the soft, fleshy lobe of her ear…

Bella's head was turned slightly as we pulled into the school grounds looking out at the parking lot and _not_ the monumental mistake I was about to make. The pulsing awareness between us was more demanding than ever before – a feverish concoction of desire and desperation…I could no longer deny or fight it – I would _have_ to speak of this to Carlisle at some point.

It was only a matter of time before the roiling emotions within me began to manifest physically…I would need some point of reference _before_ that started.

Retracting my arm quickly, I locked it to the steering wheel and concentrated on driving into the lot and not giving into my baser needs.

This was ridiculous. I had more control than this…hadn't I demonstrated that a _thousand_ times already since meeting Bella?

_No mistakes, Edward_. I reminded myself grimly, wishing I could pull out the cap and anchor myself to its tangibility.

Gliding smoothly into the parking lot, I frowned at the students milling about, deliberately loitering. They were almost doubled over at the waist in their attempts to see who sat beside me, though the heavy tint hid any identifying features.

Children! Did Bella even realise how emotionally advanced she was in comparison to those who considered themselves her equal? They were all still swimming in the primordial soup of evolution in relation to her.

Passing Emmett's jeep at the end of the lot, I looked for Rosalie's M3, but it was absent…I could hear the frenzied disappointment in the salivating boys waiting for it – though they were waiting for her just as much as the car.

This was an interesting turn of events…and not one that I would have expected. I searched through the swarm of vapid minds until I could locate the ones of my family.

Jasper was on his way to his Calculus class, not breathing and holding himself rigidly aloof as his eyes darted wildly over the students walking close enough for him to reach out to and snag…I felt a moment of fear as his fledgling self-discipline all but crumbled in the wake of a senior yanking off her jersey and infusing the tepid air particles around her body with sweetly, aromatic zest. The infusion instantly filled his nostrils, though he had stopped breathing the moment he had entered the school grounds; the flavour of the girl was intoxicating and heady, despite the secondary desensitization of the feeling channeling through him…but I should not have been alarmed.

Jasper closed his eyes and concentrated on Alice and the disappointment and misery he would cause her, should he falter and give in. It was enough to momentarily smother the impulse that was still so powerfully controlling.

It gave me no satisfaction that the tables had once again been turned and he would soon be on the receiving end of the overdue scrutiny and concern of our family – I now knew _exactly_ how that felt

I had never given his struggle the praise it had deserved, but we had to watch him…_I_ would have to watch him.

If he did relapse, it would mean a certain exodus from this foggy little town and I would not allow that to happen. _When_ I left Bella…it would be as a result of _my_ decision, not because my hand had been forced by circumstances beyond my control.

Alice was almost at her American History class, her eyes open, her movements automatic, but her gaze imprecise as she kept tabs on Jasper and his flagging strength of will at the other end of the grounds…I was glad for this at least – it meant she was an additional set of eyes _and_ it would keep her focus preoccupied and away from Bella…I didn't know how much longer I could keep them apart and her comment about Bella's choices being only her own still rankled with me.

Emmett was heading to our communal Spanish class, his every thought focused on Rosalie and the frustration with himself over his lack of progress with her in the outer reaches of the forest last night and into the early hours of this morning. He was desperately hoping she would be at the house when he got home.

So she wasn't at school today? Odd, she hated missing a day out in public, her vanity demanding every opportunity for the humans to bask in her flaxen splendor. Her fury with me must still be immense.

I knew I should have felt remorse, but all I felt was my own answering fury…let her sulk in the forest – I had more important endeavors to accomplish.

Parking, I looked down at the music player, my hand automatically moving to switch it off, only to belatedly realise that it was not on…which was truly a peculiarity for me. The ability to experience and retain a myriad of musical styles and infusions over the passing decades was one of the more enjoyable aspects of vampirism…there was rarely a minute that passed that I was not replaying a tune or melody in my head.

This was just further proof of the havoc that Bella had wrought on my routine. I had driven the whole way from my home to hers and then to school without bothering to play anything. Hmmm…obviously, I didn't need music with Bella, though this did remind me of only one of the burning questions that I yearned to unravel.

"What's in your CD player right now?"

My indefensible snooping and invasion of her privacy had wracked me with guilt for every minute I was in her room uninvited…I had controlled the irresistible urge to pry further and not looked at the messy stack of CD's on the floor, but now, there was now no need. Everything I wanted to know, I could simply ask.

Classical music was a firm favourite, but would her tastes run to the orthodox or would they be as extraordinary as she herself was?

I wondered if _I_ would ever be afforded the opportunity to play for her…it would undoubtedly delight her, especially when she learnt that she had been the inspiration for my latest arrangement.

She laughed softly, mostly to herself. Her expression was almost self-conscious as she told me the name of the CD.

_Linkin Park?_ I smiled, surprised. I hadn't expected her to listen to Industrial Rock, but I was again pleased that our tastes in music were more similar than just the classical compositions.

Reaching beneath the stereo, I avoided the lure of her jean-clad leg resting so enticingly within range of my hand…I could feel her latent heat scorching my hand through the thick material; the buzzing in the car peaked the closer I moved to her – the tingle becoming a quiver in the veins of my hand.

Quickly opening the CD storage compartment _before_ I split the bone from the flesh, I retrieved the same CD from the full rack and quickly handed it to her, retracting my hand before I could touch her again, however briefly.

"Debussy to this?" I smiled with the strain of restraint, arching an eyebrow, challenging her.

She kept her gaze glued to the case covering the disk as if looking for something different from the one she had...I didn't understand the action, but had no time to question it further as she handed it back to me just as quickly as I had palmed it off to her without a word or even an attempt to raise to the bait, grabbed her bag, opened her door and climbed out, catching me completely off guard once again.

Dammit! Scowling, I shook my head at my lack of foresight in keeping the door locks activated.

That would be the _last_ time she left this car unassisted. Knowing that it would be pointless trying to persuade her to just wait for my escort, I decided that the best course of action would be familiarity. The sooner she became accustomed to being treating with respect and courtesy, the sooner she would accept it.

Tossing the disk back into its slot with a flick of my wrist, I got out and walked swiftly to her, ignoring the twittering and giggling from the unimportant humans around us, as we walked into the school buildings together; the rain had only just begun to fall in a gentle sheet of silver mist.

Viewing our figures through the skewed outlook of the children around us, I was almost astonished to note that we looked comfortable together…right together somehow, despite the excruciatingly obvious difference in caliber between us; hers being the higher, mine being nothing more than a false impression of what was seen on the outside.

The incorrect perceptions of the female student body – and faculty – swept through my senses…I was not some hero romanticized in the pages of a paperback romance novel…I was the villain the hero sought to vanquish.

Bella knew this better than anyone, yet she still moved infinitesimally closer to me with every step we took to her first class.

Feeling our time run out as surely as day made way for night, I slowed down slightly as Bella unconsciously matched my pace and looked up at me. Building 3 and English loomed large in our view, so I pressed quickly.

"Aside from Linkin Park and the classics, what other music are you interested in?

Fidgeting with a strand of hair, she frowned as if carefully considering how she should answer this…

It was there again – her disinclination to share the personal information that made up her essential makeup…didn't she know by now that no matter her answers, she could never disappoint me? Everything she said or did only cast me further under her thrall.

"Um, British Rock, American Rock, Alternative…Coldplay, Radio Head, Muse, U2, The Cranberry's, Travis, The Cure, James Blunt, Robbie Williams, Texas, Joni Mitchell, Joan Armatrading, The Verve, Oasis, The Corrs…Kings of Leon, Maroon 5, Evanescence, Queens of Stoneage, Nirvana, Paula Cole, Aerosmith, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Joan Jett, Nickelback, Matchbox Twenty, Van Morrison, Prince, Vertical Horizon, New Radicals, Stevie Nicks, Tracy Chapman, Train, Lenny Kravitz, Goo Goo Dolls, Green Day, Sarah McLachlan, Orson, Dixie Chicks…"

Running out of breath, she sucked in a hasty lungful and grinned to herself, unsure of herself again.

I felt my stone brow shift upwards as I mulled over her answer. That was quiet a comprehensive list and most of it was very similar to my own tastes, but there was one that piqued my interest more than the others, though not because of our similarity and I couldn't help my laughter as I asked the question.

"_Dixie Chicks_? You like country music?"

She laughed self-consciously, twirling her hair around her finger and smiling up at me, "No…I like the Dixie Chicks."

I returned her beam, my breath catching in my throat as her pupils engulfed her irises in an unguarded moment. "Ah"

"Enya and Andrea Bocelli," she continued until she saw my frown.

"What?"

"_Andrea Bocelli_? You understand Italian?" I tried to make the question more cursory than invasive…but I was genuinely interested in what she did know.

"No," she muttered, blushing profusely to the roots of her hair in a cloud of heated air that encapsulated both of us as we drew closer to where I would have to leave her again. "I don't, but sometimes you don't have to understand the words of a song to understand the meaning behind them…that's how I feel about his music. He can't see his audience, but he knows they're there…it's the same for those of his audience that don't fully understand the words."

Looking away from me and towards the building in a move that spoke very clearly of her discomfiture, she did not see the look of wonder that I could feel transforming the features of my solidly set face.

How apt! A description based not on what was seen or understood, but what was felt…it was exactly how I felt about her.

Before I could push for more information over her very heterogeneous taste in music, the snide, whiny pitch of a voice that had become infuriatingly common over the past weeks interrupted my investigation.

Newton was waiting for her – leaning sullenly against the door of the classroom, his posture all but rigid with aggravation and dismay at my continued presence.

It was a sentiment that would have usually given me a sense of satisfaction – but at the moment, it was proving more of an annoyance.

_What the hell is she thinking? What's wrong with her? Can't she see it? Why can't _any_ of them see it? I have to get her away from him…I hate him._

How I wished I could explain to him how mutual that sentiment was…I ground my teeth together to stop the snarl expanding in my chest.

I would have to be careful around him – his jealousy-driven scrutiny could potentially become an issue for both my family and myself…and as much as I would enjoy nothing more than to dig him an early grave, I had no validation for the act.

Bella – perceptive as ever to everyone and everything around her – noticed the direction my head inclined towards and Mike's mulish expression. Her heart sprinted wildly as she processed my lethal glare…she had seen murderous intent on my face before and recognised it now.

It made me sad that she held this knowledge, but it was still better for her to _never_ forget what I was.

Unwinding the strand of hair from her finger in an agitated move, she hitched up her book bag once again over her shoulder and picked up her pace as we closed in on the nuisance.

I knew this was not born out of an eagerness to reach him, but born of a need to keep me calm. I had never verbalized my lack of tolerance for Newton…but she would know without the confirmation.

Mike beamed as he saw her, despite his displeasure at seeing me beside her, almost giddy at the absurdity that his luck might change today and she would suddenly decide to choose him, but his anticipation morphed quickly from excitement to confusion as Bella briefly rested her hands on his upper arm and all but shoved him through the doorway…and away from me.

_What the…!_

Momentarily pushing aside my anger towards him, I grinned widely at the back of her head as she waved weakly in an attempt to smooth over Mike's ruffled feathers as he regained his balance and looked at her with a baffled expression and muddled thoughts.

Newton would never know just how grateful he should be towards Bella for her impromptu rescue.

Turning back to me, her hand resting on the fading paint of the doorframe, I smiled slightly down at her, but my eyes remained focused on the classroom behind her. Mr. Mason was trying to call the class to order, but none of his students paid him any attention – all thoughts were focused on my presence as I hovered possessively over Bella.

Was my disinclination to leave her as obvious to the others, as it felt to myself…would Bella see it?

This was only the first hour of separation, yet it already felt like the minutes that would pass between this hour and the next would never begin…and never end.

I had to leave now…or I would find some excuse to stay.

"I'll see you later, all right?"

Biting her lip against whatever unguarded emotion she heard in my voice…an emotion that I no longer bothered to hide, she nodded as I swallowed jaggedly against the sight of scarlet fluid rushing into the line created in the soft, supple flesh…I could follow its path as it filled beneath the fragile membrane in a rush and it made the compulsion in the deepest, forgotten core of me ache in desperation and desire…

"Okay," she breathlessly uttered. "Later."

Turning around, she stumbled into her class almost gratefully and I turned before I could join her, wanting badly to ditch my own class. I would only have a few measly minutes in between classes to question her…lunch was still _hours_ away.

Heaving a melancholic sigh and irritated by my own dependency issues, I strode quickly to my Spanish class, side stepping students automatically, as my mind continued to linger in Bella's, but only transiently.

I couldn't tolerate Newton's head right now. Just viewing his expectant, hungry expression through the eyes of the disinterested teacher as he watched his students take their places, made the bile I already harbored in copious amounts around him explode into boiling rage as it rolled onto my tongue and soured the taste in my mouth.

He said that _I_ looked at Bella like she was something to eat, but that had never been more true of himself than at this moment. If I allowed myself access to his septic mind, I wouldn't be able to prevent his immediate demise.

Shaking my head, I walked into my own class and almost groaned aloud at Emmett's expression.

_Hello, little brother. Did you have a _good_ evening? Was it _pleasant_? Because I can tell you that mine was _not_!_

Taking my place beside him, I sighed as his retributive glare speared me to my seat…there was no point to listening to his thoughts; his body language told me all that I needed to know.

But what did I say to him?

That I felt regret for my actions last night? Yes, I did.

That I wished the circumstances were different? Yes, I did.

But that aside, they would not change the way I felt towards either Bella eternally or Rosalie currently…how did I explain that to him without jeopardizing our relationship?

Mrs. Goff was in the middle of a heated argument with Timothy Oliver over the unfavorable results of a recent test and wouldn't call the class to order for a few minutes more, not that it would make any difference; our exchange would be swift and muted – none of the humans in the room would be aware.

"I'm sorry that you got the short end of the stick last night, Emmett…but I have no intention of making amends to her, so save your breath and your opinions."

He grumbled internally, slightly mollified that I wasn't upset with _him_, but still not pleased with the turn of events. _I know things got a little…_intense_ last night –_

"Intense, Emmett?" I interrupted heatedly, keeping my eyes on the front of the class and the decibels low enough to be indistinguishable. "Intense! Were you in that room last night?"

Sinking lower into a seat that was already three sizes too small for him, he blew out a wary breath.

_Edward, come on! It's Rosalie. She gets all worked up and ahead of herself…but she's still Rosalie…she's still the sister that you've loved for almost a century. _

And he would _never_ see her true nature; the blinkers of adulation would blind him for eternity.

"No, Emmett! Her attitude towards Bella is reprehensible. If it were you in my shoes, you would have reacted in exactly the same manner. I know you feel as though I was unduly harsh towards her, but her objections are baseless and founded on nothing more than speculation."

I could hear him trying to rationalize Rosalie's objections from every angle in his head, but not even he could come up with a suitable excuse for her…he did not know her true motives, and I would not reveal them to him. It was her I wanted to punish, not him.

_If I hadn't been there last night…would you have, I mean, was it really…you wouldn't say last night – but..."_

I knew what he was asking.

Would I have attacked Rosalie if not for his intervention? It was a shameful admission, but he deserved the truth.

I nodded once without looking at him…and regretted it instantly as the deplorable truth of my admission stripped away his natural armament of optimism.

_Yeah. Guess I knew the answer to that before I asked the question. _

And for the first time since the tumult had begun, he processed my answer, reconciled it to my actions and my words with an empathetic eye and _finally_ understood what I had been trying to relay for weeks.

_You really do love her, don't you?_

"Can you quantify the love you have for Rosalie, Emmett?" I asked quietly, shuffling the paper of my homework as his uncharacteristic scrutiny made me faintly self-conscious…not something I was accustomed to.

He shook his head without hesitation, without guile. _No._ _I can't quantify it; I only know how entirely it consumes me._

My lips curled upwards at his answer…for Emmett, it was surprisingly insightful.

"Then you know exactly how I feel about Bella, because I love her the same way."

_Okay, I get it…something that Rosalie said last night is bugging me though…do you love her more than you love us?_

I could hear the pain he did not bother to disguise as he asked a question that was impossible to answer without causing him more.

Closing my eyes, the lack of view did not cut off the torment of my answer.

"Emmett…"

Mrs. Goff began roll call, sparing me – for the moment – from answering him.

How did I explain to him that I had once considered fighting against not only him, but also the rest of the family I loved to keep her safe…and that was _before_ I had even known that I loved Bella?

How did I explain, that now that I knew I loved her, I would do it again without hesitation?

How did I word a blow like that?

I felt his touch – tempered more than usual and filled with concern…for me – as he lightly clasped my shoulder.

_It's all right – I knew the answer already to that one too, you don't have to say it out aloud, Edward. S__o what's next? _

Happiness plagued with misery…

"I don't know, Em. I can't afford to let myself hope too far in advance, so I'm not looking beyond the immediate. I'm taking it day by day."Minute by minute…second by second.

_But what Alice said…_

The grotesque contortion of my facial structure stopped his words cold as he leant away from me slightly.

_Okay…okay – don't freak out on me in the middle of class…_again. _I'm just asking…_

A quiet sigh of contentment behind me caught my attention before the thoughts did – and saved Emmett from my wrath.

I had been so wrapped up in my own existence spiraling so dangerously out of control; I had missed the rapture and triumph radiating from the boy behind me.

Ignoring Emmett and his unsubtle reminders about a future that I would fight against till the bitter end, I focused on Ben Cheney.

_I can't believe she actually said yes, to me! I know it was girl's choice, but still…Angela Weber! Man, I was lucky I got to her before Edward Cullen did. Would she have said yes to him? Does this mean she likes me? Ahhhhh. C'mon, Ben. Just be happy that she said yes. There'll be plenty of time later to find out how she really feels about you. _

I couldn't prevent my smile at his elation, glad that I had something else to concentrate on.

So he _had_ been brave enough to approach Angela and ask her to the dance. Good for him, his courage was admirable; my debt to Angela would now be fully repaid.

His next thought though, marred my satisfaction.

_What if she only said yes because she was worried that no one would ask her, and took the first offer? What if she really wanted it to be…Edward Cullen? _

His previous stunned wonder was suddenly replaced by dejection and self-doubt, his confidence wavering dubiously as he eyed the back of my head and compared himself against me…he came up pitiably short by his own estimation.

Poor Ben. He had finally found the courage to ask Angela out – thanks in large to the staged theatrics of Emmett and I – but still doubted himself.

I sighed intolerantly. Emmett eyed me with renewed interest, relieved that I wasn't going to haul him over the coals for his uninvited reminder. _What?_

"Later," I promised.

The insecurities and neurosis or the average human never failed to infuriate me; it was a miracle that any of them had the courage or conviction to get out of their beds in the morning. If they didn't have the right motivation, they would simply stay under the covers, hiding from the world they rightly belonged in.

Before Bella, my thoughts of the human populous at large had not been very flattering…she had convinced me that humanity were worth a second chance…despite my natural predatory inclination towards them.

Spanish passed mercifully quickly as I continued to fume over Ben's flagging resolve and again, I was allowed an early departure…he had no reason to mope and I wanted dearly to be able to tell him that.

Crossing to the English building, I grinned at Mrs. Goff's interest in my hastening figure.

She watched me cross with purposeful strides to reach Bella and knew where I was headed. My sudden interest had been as surprising to the teachers as it was to the students, though none of them could understand the level of my obsession.

Reaching my destination before the class had been released; I reclined against the cool brickwork beside the door, waiting broodily for Bella as the level of noise rose in excitement from within the classroom.

Leapfrogging through various minds in the class, I hissed sibilantly as I saw Mike with Bella through the sight of Gaby Martins, making himself useful as he picked up her textbook. She protested, but he grinned at her in a manner that I was sure he hoped was charming and alluring; Bella seemed to withdraw from him slightly, not in fear, but irritation, as she tolerantly allowed him to chat incessantly in her ear about the current cinema attractions.

Unable to watch Bella through any other reliable source during the last hour had been a bone of contention that I had found difficult to deal with…it was only made more contentious by my refusal to use Newton as the medium – my resentment toward him grew violently aggressive by the minute.

Pushing away from the door, I moved to the opposite wall for the sake of circumspection only. I would not be able to control my arm from shooting out and crumpling his head against the doorframe, where he within arm's reach, as he would be when he walked Bella out.

But to my sorrow, try as I may, I could not bar him completely…

_She can't really be into Cullen. It must just be an ego boost or something; just flattery…she smiles at me every time I'm near her, so that must mean something…right?_

He was still trying to talk himself into believing that Bella's feelings for him were anything other than platonic.

Despite my deceptively indolent form, the seething look of fury on my face had Mike freezing at the threshold as he pushed through the exiting students, leading Bella into the hallway. The shockwave that reverberated through his body rattled and jolted his building confidence…he could not fathom how anyone could look at him with such malevolence.

If he only knew what I wanted to do to him…

Bella was behind him, her hand outstretched expectantly for her book, yet to see me, as she had to stop and frown at Mike who was now blocking the door.

Her eyes darted up and outwards as she leaned around the figure of the prone boy in front of her and saw my stiff body against the far wall. They widened at my inhuman glare, understanding immediately as her heart beat a rapid tattoo.

I tried to gentle the look, solely for fear of frightening her, but I could not relax my stance...the revulsion too powerful to shake loose.

Snatching her book from Mike's frozen grasp with a speed that impressed even a vampire and held surprising dexterity, Bella moved around him and was immediately at my side, calling over her shoulder as she orientated herself to my position – I wondered if it was a conscious movement, or if _I_ was her true north and she was as helpless to my draw as I was to hers?

"See you later, Mike."

Nodding dumbly, he stumbled away, his thoughts rolling with confusion and incoherent with fear.

Confusion, because despite knowing of my passionate absorption in everything Isabella Swan, he still could not figure out why I glared at him so murderously every time he was anywhere near her.

Exasperating nuisance!

_Forget about him, Edward. Concentrate on Bella only_. I ordered myself.

Turning back to me, she exhaled in relief (for what reason; Mike safety or my presence, I did not know) and smiled euphoria; the curvature altered her entire facial structure, highlighting her dimple again…

"Hi."

Fighting the urge to press the tip of my finger into said dimple and the blush that was flooding it; I returned the smile and the greeting, expelling my ire with Newton as the minutes dwindled, happy that she was happy to see me.

"Hello. How was English?"

She shrugged, seeming disinterested in the lesson as she hugged her textbook to her chest. "Same old, same old. How was Spanish?"

How did she know that I had Spanish? I obviously wasn't the only one that had memorized a schedule that was not my own…the thought made me absurdly pleased.

"Same old, same old." I repeated, smiling. For me the maxim carried far more weight.

Snorting softly at the flippancy of my answer and the knowledge that I been through this all before, she nodded. "I'm sure it was. Are you all right?"

Frowning, I drew back slightly, not understanding the concerned look on her face or the motive behind the question.

"I'm fine, Bella. Why do you ask?"

Looking to her right, she eyed Newton's rapidly disappearing figure. "Mike."

Ah…yes, Mike. I knew what she was getting at now.

"Well, as long as you don't pay him too much attention, I should be able to ignore him."

What a lie!

Sighing heavily, she looked at me again, but there was more of a sardonic twist to her lips at my teasing…as if my comment had been absurdly out of place.

"I don't pay Mike any more attention than I do anyone else – with one exception…you _know_ that."

Her lack of interest – so reminiscent of her earlier brush off – gave me the same sense of satisfaction as it had earlier…her mentioning of the _exception_ made me positively euphoric.

"Just because I know it, doesn't mean that I don't still like to hear it."

Chuckling under her breath, we began our walk to her next class.

"You need reassurance now?" There was curiosity behind the question, but also a hint of disbelief, as if she found this shocking.

Didn't she think that my own insecurities needed to be satisfied? Did she think that despite the vast difference in our age and experience, that I was no less susceptible to self-doubt?

How much would my next answer tell her about my fears…how much would it frighten her?

"Like I said…it's nice to hear it sometimes."

I kept my answer gentle, but non-committal. Bella frowned as she mulled over my response, no doubt wishing _she_ could read _my_ mind.

Her Trig class was in building 4; my American History in building 2…I didn't have a lot of time in between to continue questioning her.

"I noticed that you didn't mention any of the usual boy bands or pop groups earlier…don't any of them appeal to you?"

Bella frowned, twisting her mouth as she recalled what she had said an hour ago. "Maroon 5 is kind of poppy…" she argued.

All right…I would concede – _kind of_.

"Yes, but that's it. Aren't you interested in any of the cheesy love ballads or one-hit wonders?" I taunted, knowing the answer to this already and smiling as she laughed at me.

"Why? Do I look like the kind of girl that would enjoy cheese?"

"I don't know…you still haven't answered my original question." Always evasive…another irritation we would have to work on. "Boy bands?"

Grimacing, Bella stopped beside the open door of her Trigonometry class and shook her head. "None that I would ever admit to out loud."

And that was no more revealing than the original question.

"Bella…you agreed to my questions, remember?" I cajoled softly, leaning against the doorjamb as I watched her pupils recede rapidly and her heart stutter.

"Ahhhhh…"

_Come on, come on, come on…get inside already!_

The high-pitched whine of Jessica Stanley interrupted my enjoyment of Bella's reaction. She had heard that we had arrived together again and was waiting to ambush Bella the second she sat down…Bella wouldn't be able to use the excuse of an absent jacket today.

By the look of reluctance on Bella's face, she realised this too as she saw Jessica through the doorway of the class…the frenzied girl was almost bouncing in her seat in excitement, her every thought consumed by her insatiable need for information.

Sighing heavily, Bella looked up at me, her grimace still in place from my earlier question – though I would not know that answer for another hour, it seemed, as Bella was distracted by Jessica's wide-eyed rabidity.

"She's going to jump me the second I sit down, isn't she?"

I chocked on my amusement, folding my lips inwards to keep the laughter in my mouth…I received a withering look, my attempt clearly faltering as she failed to appreciate the humour in the situation.

"I'll take that as a yes. Remind me to thank you later for the lack of forewarning."

"But, Bella," I whispered, leaning in closer and holding my breath as merely a preventative measure. "You told me you didn't want me listening to people anymore…so how could I give you forewarning?"

The degree of withering I received could now shrivel a grapefruit.

"That's very convenient, Edward. I told you to stop listening to Mike…I didn't mean you couldn't at least give me a heads up with other people."

"Bella," I admonished tenderly, enjoying the banter that was still so unique to me. "That's a double standard – and you yourself told me that you dislike double standards."

My innocent expression as I reminded her of a previous conversation did not save me from her ire.

Scowling, she closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath, realizing that I was going to use her words against her.

"Again, very convenient. Enjoy American history, Edward."

Turning huffily on her heel, she spun into the classroom, mad at my judgment and almost over-balancing in her haste. Flinging out my arm to catch her, she righted herself at the last minute and walked into the classroom with more regal bearing than a queen.

Not wanting her to be angry with me for any reason, I called softly after her.

"Oh, Bella?"

Looking over her shoulder at me, she narrowed her eyes at my expression.

"Yes, Edward?" Her irritability delighted me.

"Don't forget about lunch…you're _mine_ at lunch."

Walking backwards, I grinned at her bemused expression as she tried to decipher the hidden meaning so clearly defined by my words.

Still standing just inside the classroom with the teacher now hovering over her, but oblivious to his presence, I slowed down as I was about to turn the corner and pointed to the class, raising an eyebrow, reminding her to go inside.

Blinking quickly at me, she shook her head slightly as if to dispel whatever spell she was under and turning almost colliding with the lecturer, who caught and steadied her.

I could _feel_ her blush from where I stood…

Making my way quickly to a class that regurgitated historical encounters as factually accurate as any textbook would allow, I took my seat but my mind floated automatically back to Bella.

Although Jessica's general perception was severely warped by her own false expectations, she was often the best avenue of viewing Bella…she pushed her in a way that Angela never did.

The prying girl in question leant over her desk towards Bella, eager anticipation clear on her avaricious features as Bella tried to concentrate on the complicated equations on the board.

I had no doubt that she could easily solve the mathematical conundrum, but she was using this as a deflection with Jessica.

"_Edward picked you up again, today?" Oh, why couldn't he choose _me_? _

"_Yep." _

"_Why?" They have to be an item. Why else would he act like her chauffer? I wonder what other services he's offered…_

I closed my eyes as Bella shrugged. What a pain!

_Jeez...it's like pulling teeth with this one. "Some more information please, Bella."_

She was still more than useless at reading body language…every inch of Bella's unwilling frame screamed for an escape.

"_What do you want to know? He dropped me off at home yesterday and picked me up this morning. He probably didn't think my truck could make it to school this morning…or wanted help with Biology. End of story."_

Bella was being deliberately flippant, not wanting to reveal any further intimate details to Jessica.

This didn't concern me. It wasn't her desire to hide our budding relationship that prompted this; she was a deeply private person.

That's it_? No way in hell, is that _it_._

"Seriously?" Jessica's disbelief was tangible.

Bella shrugged dismissively, then refocused her attention on the teacher.

She had only temporarily thwarted Jessica's attempt to weed out information, but not enough to pry the girl from her curiosity.

One had to admire Jessica's determination as she thought up a question that would prompt a sure response, but she was called on to answer a question, so her train of thought was momentarily interrupted.

Bella sagged in her seat slightly, much to the surprise of the teacher looking at her. He dismissed it as gratitude for not having to answer the question that Jessica was currently stumped over.

Willing the hands of the old analogue clocks to speed up, the Latin phrase of _tempus fuscous_ couldn't have been more inaccurate at this stage.

Trying to distract myself from my impatience and Jessica's lack of commitment to her quest, I flittered around the minds in the room, but I could find nothing of interest in any of them – they were all just as bored as I was, so I would find no distraction here.

Searching further afar, I honed in on my family.

Emmett was in his class, equally bored with the current financial climate and issues facing millions of Middle America and trying with an admirable amount of patience, to reconcile what I had said and done last night with today's actions. He was very careful to keep in his mind at all times that I loved Bella, but he still couldn't identify with what I was feeling.

He had loved Rosalie in his dying moments as a human, and the feeling had only strengthened once he had awoken transformed. He had only ever seen her as an otherworldly creature; exquisite beyond all expectations and resembling what his bucolic rearing had taught him was the visual estimation of an angel.

He couldn't appreciate a beauty that was not apparent and ostentatious…

Jasper…Jasper was sitting at the back of his Biology class, his hands locked together and contained to between his thighs, his teeth grinding together to hold the hunger at bay as his lab partner dissected an exsanguinated laboratory rat with gusto; completely oblivious to the fact that a tormented vampire sat a foot away from him. Jasper was replacing himself with the boy, and imagining dissecting _him_…

It was a very good thing that he had hunted barely less than three hours ago…

Moving away from my brother and his grisly woolgathering, I looked for Alice in her Government class.

She was still focused on Jasper, almost on the edge of her seat as she gazed with unseeing eyes at the front of the class…it would be a long day for her.

Finally, the hour passed and after collecting our homework assignment from Mr. Deeks, I hurried to Bella, but was waylaid by my sister as she danced in my way, more at ease as Jasper was standing waiting for her at the eastern stairwell; his hands – unstained by death – shoved deeply within the pockets of his jeans and a half smirk on his face.

_You know you can only deter her for so long…you might as well give in, Edward. _

_He_ might be controlled by the diminutive tyrant before me, but I was not.

Hands folded behind her back, she smiled benignly at me as she blocked my path.

"Alice." I acknowledged her tightly, sidestepping and continuing on my way.

She kept pace, trailing behind me.

"How's Bella?"

"Fine." I grated abruptly, uncaring that I was being rude.

"Good…can I talk to her yet?"

"No." I snarled quietly, mindful of our audience before turning on her, but she had already skipped out of the way on her way back to the protection of her love.

_Spoilsport. Just you wait…_

Closing my eyes, I shrugged off the thoughts from the two at the end of the corridor and continued on, arriving as Bella and Jessica were leaving the classroom.

Jessica's lashes fluttered beguiling as she pursed her lips. Trying to be coy, I could only assume…I wanted to laugh at her juvenile attempts at seduction.

Remembering my comportment, despite my displeasure with the girl and the amusement I would gain from wreaking further chaos on her mental equilibrium – I greeted her formally...and lied through my teeth.

"Hello, Jessica. Nice to see you again."

_Holy Mary Mother of Jesus…this guy can't be for real. Oh, what I wouldn't give to get my hands on him... _

And once she did – she wouldn't like what she got…

"Ughhhh, yep, h-hi, Ed…Edw…Edward."

Stuttering badly at my politely disinterested expression, she glanced quickly at Bella before rapidly escaping – in the wrong direction. She got to the end of the corridor before suddenly recalling that she had Spanish next with both Bella and Angela and turned to walk by us again, her chin buried in her chest and her cheeks burning brighter than Bella's ever had.

She reminded me of Mike. Both fleeing from me…

Turning back to Bella, I frowned at her amused expression, though it was mixed with censure.

What had I done now that she would find both humorous and worthy of criticism?

"What?"

"You know what. Jessica is probably about to go into shock." Her tone was only mildly chiding, as if she found it amusing too, but would never admit to it.

I couldn't have cared less if Jessica went into cardiac arrest…the only one I wanted to affect was Bella.

"It isn't done deliberately, Bella…well, not all the time."

Widening my eyes, I felt them blaze within the sockets as Bella froze to the spot – prey helplessly locked in the grip of the predator…the thought was more unwelcome than I wanted at the moment and the dejection that followed broke our contact.

"_That_ was deliberate."

I never wanted her to forget how easily I could lure her away…how willingly she would follow…how quickly I could kill her without a single person ever knowing…how effortlessly I could drain her body…how comprehensively I could hide the evidence…

Gazing up at me in confusion, her eyelids fluttered against her cheeks with rapid movements, like a moth's wing brushing over a flame.

Her composure was slow to come and made me want to kick myself for childishly proving a point.

It would take her longer to regain her equilibrium and she was already late for Spanish…

"Bella?" I prompted softly. "You're going to be late for class."

Shaking her head, she started to move forward, albeit slightly unsteadily.

I didn't want her to miss out on a minute of the Spanish lesson – not because I thought she needed it, but because Spanish meant Angela Weber and Angela Weber meant a Bella that was slightly less guarded; I had been outrageously eager for this all day. Hopefully Angela wasn't so caught up in her own romance that she would not be able to help me with mine.

"Older music?" I fired out, not happy with this growing silence between us.

"Hmmm, what? Oh, older music…um, how much older?"

How much older was she thinking I was asking about? "A decade or two, Bella."

"Oh…um, I'm not a huge fan of eighties music – too electric for my tastes and far too many ballads, but the nineties had some good music and the late seventies…I'm a huge fan of Fleetwood Mac."

I was impressed, though not about music in the seventh decade of the last century.

"Fleetwood Mac?"

"Yeah – _Little Lies_ has to be one of my all-time favourite songs."

I could feel the surprise on my face – what an apt choice from the girl that would not tolerate dishonesty. "Are you sure you're only seventeen?"

Her brows rose at my teasing skepticism.

"Fairly positive"

Nodding, I eyed Mrs. Goff as she watched our interactions through the doorway, a smile on her broad face, even though technically, Bella was about to be late for class.

"You'd better go in – we're being watched."

My hushed words swiveled her head around to spot the teacher spying on us…she blushed as readily as Mrs. Goff did.

Feeling the heat curl around my body with a corruption that was almost irresistible, I nodded and turned quickly, heading to my English class and Mr. Mason's overly melodramatic rendition of Shakespeare's _Taming of the Shrew_. I was late, but as he was already in his stride, so I settled into my chair without much fanfare, noting with a small amount of amusement and relief, that my desk mate moved as far away from me as was possible on the narrow seat.

_What's up with this guy? I seriously need to switch seats or class, or state…_

Ignoring Mr. Mason and his plodding tribute, I jumped into Angela's head as she turned to look at the girl I loved.

They were both seated, waiting for the teacher to bring the class under control.

The difference between Bella's posture and facial expression when she was with Jessica, in comparison to Angela, was enormously telling.

The ease at which she leaned into Angela's side as they talked about their latest assignments was charming…the trust between the two was clearly apparent…kindred spirits, it would seem.

Bella had noted Angela's unbridled excitement, her expression curious as she picked up on the clear change in her demeanor.

Angela noted the look she was being given by Bella and was instantly thankful she wouldn't have to bring it up herself. _Should I just tell her? She's bound to find out anyway, and she was the one encouraging me to go after what I wanted…_

This pulled me up short. _Bella_ had pushed Angela to approach Ben? Ah, now Ben's lack of confidence made more sense. It wasn't _he_ who had instigated the invite to the dance originally, but after his discussion with her earlier, he had finally plucked up his courage to ask her if she wanted to go out, and Angela had suggested the dance…

Well, I supposed that as long as the goal was accomplished, then the manner in which it was achieved didn't really matter...

Bella and I were both matchmakers it would seem.

Idiotically cheerful at our synchronicity, I settled more comfortably into my seat to enjoy the interaction.

"_I asked Ben to the dance…and he said yes."_

Bella's face lit up with unconcealed delight; my breathing faltered…could she _be_ more exquisite?

"_Ang, that's great! I told you to just go for it."_

She scrunched up her nose self-consciously. _"I know, I know. I was just nervous, that's all." I really didn't want to get shot down._

Bella rubbed her hand over Angela's arm in a soothing manner – like a mother to her daughter…touchingly maternal

"_Mission accomplished. A job well done."_

She teased her back. _"Thanks, _mom_. Couldn't have done it without you."_

They grinned at each other, whilst Jessica eyed them with rabid envy from the back of the classroom.

_What are those two on about? Must be about Edward Cullen…who wouldn't be talking about him?_

Concentrating on the teacher for a few minutes, Angela sat mulling over a question that had been nagging at her since yesterday.

Finally! Now we would get somewhere.

She began tentatively, _"Bella?"_

"_Hmmm."_

"_Please don't think that I'm being nosy or interfering, but I have something I wanted to ask you."_

Bella stiffened, on the defensive at once. She knew instinctively that the question would involve myself.

As much as I wanted to find out what Angela could extract from Bella, I didn't want her making Bella anymore uncomfortable with her questions than mine were.

Eyeing Angela wearily from the corner of her eye, Bella nodded, but did not turn from the teacher.

"_Well,"_ She began, not wanting to offend Bella, "_I was wondering about you and…" _she trailed off, unable to finish.

Bella did it for her. _"Edward Cullen?" _Then lowered her head and blushed furiously.

I shuddered in pleasure at her blush.

"_Yeah. You and…Edward." _Angel's voice quivered as she spoke my name.

Bella pursed her lips, _"What do you want to know?"_ It was an identical answer to the one she had given Jessica yesterday.

"_I'm not going to be pushy, like Jessica."_

"_Well, that's a relief."_ Bella teased; Angela laughed. Bella was more thankful of this fact then she let on.

Both girls looked up at the teacher, but she was too engrossed in her lesson to give the interruption much thought.

"_Are you two…?"_

"_Honestly, Angela, I _don't_ know what we are."_

"_Oh."_

"_Sorry. That probably wasn't the answer you were looking for."_

She mulled over Bella's casualreference_. No, not really. I've seen the way he looks at her…I feel kind of intrusive when I watch…like I'm interrupting something not meant for my eyes…I don't know if I really understand it – it's a little too extreme for me…_

Angela, too, was very insightful.

How was it that it was so painfully obvious to everyone around us that I was hers utterly and completely, yet Bella, the most perceptive of this lot of socially blind teenagers, couldn't see it?

Was she blinded by her own lack of confidence or was it something else? Was her long absent sense of self finally making an appearance?

_Maybe she can't see it. I should reassure her. _Angela continued.

"_I don't think it will take that much longer, Bella. Edward's certainly not stupid." He has to know how great she is!_

Bella rolled her eyes and muttered what sounded like, "_Stupidity isn't the problem_,_" _but Angela wasn't certain and for that I was glad.

No. Lack of common sense was unquestionably not the problem here, although it might be on Bella's part.

A snap quiz at the end of the lesson left my classmates floundering once again, whilst I raced through it, eager to meet her as she left Spanish.

Bella's last class before lunch was Government; mine Gym.

Hopefully, as Angela was in her Government class as well, she would ask more pertinent questions, as I would have no further time to question her between classes; Angela would be with her and I would not pursue my mission for answers when others were around.

I actually found that the more time I spent around the Weber girl, the more I enjoyed her company. Aside from being an introverted, unobtrusive soul, she was the only true friend that Bella had, and for that I was deeply appreciative for.

The humanity that I had felt vanish when transforming from adolescent boy to cynical immortal had somehow been resurrected by Bella and with it, my leniency for her kind…she _was_ my humanity.

Jessica was at the receiving end of a grilling by Mrs. Goff over her grammar as the rest of the class collected their belongings and moved to leave the class, so at least I was spared her infatuation whilst I waited for the girls.

Walking out almost arm in arm, they both stopped as they saw me, but I could only hear the frantic thoughts of one…and _not_ the one I wanted to hear from.

_Oh…wow!_

Eye dilating so rapidly I could barely discern the dark brown irises, Angela stumbled at the doorway.

Bella – entirely comfortable and self-possessed after seeing me all through the day – linked her arm through Angela's and towed her to meet me in the middle of hall whilst students milling around us crowded the corridor.

"Hello, Bella…Angela." Nodding courteously, I hid my smile as she blinked owlishly behind her glasses and swallowed roughly.

Her reactions were in the Jessica vein, but they did not annoy me as with the former.

"Hello…Ed – Edward," she fell over her words…Bella's brow lifted into an arched rebuke, but she looked faintly dazed herself, so said nothing.

I turned to lead them through the mass of teenagers; disappointed – despite my affability towards Angela – that I did not have Bella to myself…I _had_ to work at retaining my objectivity or every time I had to share her, I would act like a petulant child.

Walking across campus with the two following slightly behind me, I grinned mirthfully to myself. My eyes may have faced forward, but their sight was firmly set in Angela's head as she and Bella exchanged disbelieving looks between them.

_I would look the same if I had him waiting for _me_…lucky Bella._

Oh, Angela…if you only knew.

Emmett and Alice waited for me outside of gym…Emmett had a restraining arm slung around the shoulders of our little sister – keeping her in place as we closed in on the sports hall…keeping her from approaching Bella.

Her expectant eyes locked firmly on Bella as she wound her own fantasies of knowing the girl through her visions.

My nostrils flared as my lips thinned.

Emmett grinned and pulled her through the doors and away from my ire.

It was going to prove harder to keep them apart than I had thought…I could only put this off for so long.

Stopping outside of Government, I turned to face the pair as they stopped abruptly at my penetrating gaze. Nodding cordially to Angela as she attempted to untangle her muddled thoughts, I immediately swung my eyes back to Bella.

"I'll meet you in the cafeteria…and don't buy anything – it's my treat."

Angela looked at Bella with awe, amazement and a little bit of trepidation before she waved at me in a stiff, stilted movement and vanished into the classroom, anxious to make her escape.

Watching her disappear inside, Bella turned back to me and frowned at my words, "You don't have to buy me lunch – I'm not really hungry and I don't want you wasting money on food that only one of us will be eating, Edward."

My brow rose at her words, irritated that she was more concerned with the paltry costs of nourishment than her health.

"Regardless of how many of us will be partaking, _I_ will be buying and _you_ will be eating. You didn't pack any lunch this morning, so I know you don't have anything else to eat. Don't make me persuade you, Bella."

Her brows rose at my less than subtle command. "How do you know that I don't have lunch with me?"

I sighed impatiently and cocked my head to the side, gazing dryly down at her.

"I have my ways…now are you going to agree or do I have to be…_persuasive_?"

She would eat when she was with me, whether she was hungry or not. She had barely touched her food yesterday…_I'd_ eaten more of that repulsive pizza than she had.

Features pinching into displeasure, she opened her mouth to protest, but I put my finger up to pre-empt her gripe.

"Bella…don't be difficult – it's only lunch…and it makes me happy to see you eating."

Leaning in closer, I winked at her. "You humans don't eat enough anyway."

Watching her liquid eyes run with an unfathomable emotion, I felt my lung cease as the meaning of my words and hidden concern for her, translated through them.

"I can assure you," she stammered lightly. "That I eat more than enough."

"You didn't yesterday," I reminded her grimly, fearing that her lack of sustenance could have contributed to her restless night.

"Yesterday was different."

_Different_? Different _how_?

"Why?" I pushed, eyeing Jefferson over her shoulder as he tapped his foot on the faded linoleum floor.

"Because I was intimidated then."

She was still unsettled…she just wouldn't admit it to herself or me.

"And you're not now?" I challenged, bitterness creeping into my voice, as I knew the answer to this question.

"No, I still am – but I know better now."

"What do you know better?" The temperature in the hallway dropped to below freezing as I asked a question that she couldn't possibly have the right answer to.

"That you won't hurt me."

Her answer, so like Carlisle's reassurance last night, rang with the same conviction and belief even as the idea that she might have entertained the notion that I would harm her ate away at my resolve.

"You thought I would hurt you yesterday? Even after knowing how terrified I was the night before?"

Nodding, she bit down on her lip again at my faint words

"Bella –" I couldn't keep the torment from crumbling the word.

"Miss Swan! If it's not too much trouble, I would like to begin my lesson. Inside, please! Mr. Cullen, be on your way, please."

The clipped retort from the lecturer barely registered as the agonized buzzing in my ears drowned out all other noise.

She saw my face and rushed to reassure me.

"Not because I thought you wanted too, but because I don't fully understand what you are fighting against, Edward. I don't believe that you would ever intentionally harm me."

"Miss Swan – NOW!"

Tossing her hair over her shoulder as she glanced at the now irate lecturer, she quickly muttered, "I have to go. I'll see you at lunch."

Turning her back on me, she rushed into class and past the scowling teacher…away from me.

It was stupid to think of it that way, but it seemed as though it were the case.

Shoving my hands into my pockets, my fingers curled around the cap; craving her warmth and vitality more than the cold, lifeless plastic…it stopped me following her into the classroom – _barely_.

Turning away from the classroom, I strode into the fitness center and past my waiting siblings without a word, but I could hear Alice's concern follow me as she read whatever horrified expression I had on my face.

She _still_ thought I would hurt her…

I tried to rationalize it to myself as I walked in a daze through the Gymnasium and into the change-rooms.

Emmett followed closely behind me, pushed by Alice to stay close to me, I was sure.

She still thought I would hurt her…after everything I had scarified and compromised…everything I had been willing to give up for her…she _still_ doubted me?

Feeling Emmett's hand again on my shoulder, he walked with me, squeezing lightly, but I shrugged it off, my tolerance for touch evaporating as I felt my misery take over.

How could I ever convince her that I was trustworthy, when I knew I wasn't?

How could I ever assure her that I would never hurt her, when I knew it could happen in a heartbeat?

How could I ask her to love me completely, when I was nothing but incomplete?

_Edward? Don't do this to yourself…she told you that she trusts you, but she just doesn't understand it fully. Make her understand. _

"How, Emmett," I whispered weakly. "How?"

He had no answer for me – he had no solution for my dilemma…and neither did I.

The situation had swung again, like a pendulum weighted by the indecision of what was expected of me and what I wanted the most…what was right this morning was suddenly now so wrong.

I should go…I should go now and never come back…

She didn't trust me…

_Edward! No!_

Alice's frenzied protest in my head shook me as my posture turned towards the door, ready to flee.

_If you leave now…you will never know..._

Know what? That I would hurt her, disappoint her…kill her? I knew I would fulfill all of those.

_If you leave now…_this_ will _never_ happen… _

The dark, bleak future of my solitary existence suddenly spun out and was blazingly alive with light and possibility as I was once again flooded with the vision of the meadow that Alice had presented to me days ago, only now it was no longer tainted with horror…it was filled with wonder, laughter…and hope.

_If you leave now…you'll never experience this with her…_

The image flashed in and out of conscious a dozen times in the space of second as I vacillated between that possibility and my cowardice.

Did I stay…did I leave…_could_ I leave?

_Listen to what Emmett is saying to you. She trusts you, she wants to know you…but she doesn't understand what you're going through. You'll have your chance, Edward…and so will she, but you have to be willing to have faith in her and yourself. You've come so far already. Don't run from it now…you'll never recover from it and you will live to regret it for the rest of your limitless lifespan. _

This I knew…I did not need Alice's lecture to tell me that, but would my bigger regret be that I left or that I instilled fear in the girl that I loved?

_She loves you, Edward…you're just too damn stubborn to see it. She's willing…shouldn't you at least respect that and try?_

"You can't know that, Alice," I uttered limply, slumping against a wall with Emmett at my back, wanting desperately to believe her.

_Of course I do…and I don't need a preternatural talent to tell me that…it's as plain as I nose on my face. The negativity you harbour towards yourself is what's hindering your ability to see it. You yourself said that we could all trust Bella to not betray us, but you're not heeding your own advice…trust her. _

Was she right? If Bella – who admittedly still did not trust me fully – was brave enough and willing enough to take this risk, then should I be brave enough to stay and willing enough to try, knowing that her courage would give me mine?

I knew the answer to that already.

Nodding to no one in particular, I allowed Emmett to pull me to our lockers, whilst I processed the relief that Alice felt saturate her body.

I could do this…I knew that was the right decision for the moment, though I know knew of something else that I had been wrong about before…I wasn't always running to or from Bella – I was always running…from _myself_.


End file.
